West Covina, United States 34 years-old Single
Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML
Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML
Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML
Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML
Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend's parents for the first time… while they were bailing us out of jail. FML
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML
Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs, some hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I'd told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML
Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML
Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML
Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the third person. Seriously. FML
Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML
Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML
Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is actually coming from me. FML
Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML
Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML
Today, I was teaching a class when a student pointed out that I'd used the wrong "your/you're" while writing on the board. FML
Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML
Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML
Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML
Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML
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