alpal264

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

Today, I got sent to detention for saying, "That's what she said" after a girl in my class said, "Push a little harder" while dissecting a frog. FML

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

New to me

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

Tripping

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

Hey guys!

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

Many such cases

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML