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Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think

By Anonymous - 14/05/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my moms are driving me mad. My biological mom, a therapist, keeps telling me I need to try new things because life is short. My non-biological mom, a doctor, keeps telling me everything new I want to try has health risks that will shorten my life even further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 75

Classic manipulation

By Anonymous - 16/05/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband admitted he sometimes gets me ragingly jealous of other women on purpose because when I’m jealous I put in more effort in the bedroom and it’s easier to get me to do anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 495

Traumatic

By Give me freedom - 17/05/2026 22:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, it's 2026, and my mom is still shit-scared of COVID and demands I wear a mask, slather on hand sanitizer, and just generally make an ass of myself everywhere I go. Being with her in public is so humiliating, she wears a face shield, two masks, and is equal parts Karen and Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 143

I never asked!

By No interest in one - 08/06/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, while on vacation, I met up with a friend I have been playing with online for years in person. She took me to her place and introduced me to her family. Her mom gave me a judging look, and her first and only words to me were, "You ain't getting your green card from her!" as she condescendingly walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 77

Turn off

By Anonymous - 11/06/2026 22:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, after many comments over years about her needing to lose weight, I had to tell the woman I love, the woman I married, that she had gotten so overweight that the sight of her naked made me want to puke. Apparently her goal was to get so fat I'd stop asking for sex. I'm her third divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 215

Asshole behavior

By Singleforeva - 15/06/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I took a Tinder date home. Before we got down to sexy time, he used the restroom. While there, he was Googling what Lamotrigine was, which was from my prescription bottle to treat my bipolar disorder. He left because, “I don’t do crazy bitches.” This always happens when I disclose this. I give up on dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 136

Fixation

By Waste of money - 01/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I took my kid to Busch Gardens. All he said was, "Can we use the claw machines?" He wouldn't ride rides, watch shows, eat, or participate in anything besides begging to play the damn claw machines. I paid for the full day and dragged him out screaming after three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 148

All planned out

By Annoyed - 04/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, after I'd spent ages planning a surprise proposal at the beach, right as I got down on one knee, a seagull swooped in, stole the sandwich from my backpack, and everyone on the beach turned to watch the bird instead of us. My partner had to ask, "Were you about to propose?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 106

Sibling rivalry

By WhatNow - 10/07/2026 03:00 - Germany

Today, after seven years, I finally found out why my sister was mad at me: Because I had to get admitted to give birth on the day she had planned her baby shower, which she didn't inform me about or invite me to. As I stole her thunder by giving birth, being full term 44 weeks and way past my due date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 60

Nothing?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is still determined to find my kink. I keep telling him I don’t have one. Literally, I don’t. He isn’t forcing me to do anything physically but he won’t drop the subject. He keeps making all these different suggestions and expecting me to have some magical discovery or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 96

Such a pity

By Anonymous - 26/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really tried to talk to my wife how I feel that she hates me and is with me out of pity. She denied it all but by the end of the conversation mentioned she wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 130

Masterchef

By weekend starts here - 09/08/2026 09:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I put leftovers in the microwave, pressed two minutes, and walked away. I came back to discover I'd started the kitchen timer instead. I'd spent two minutes waiting for food that had never even started warming up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 338

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 137

For better and for worse

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Euless

Today, I'm getting a divorce after only three months because my wife accepted a job transfer that would require us to move across the country. I'm sorry but I do not want to be away from my kids or my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 155

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 10/10/2025 09:00

Today, I had my legitimation case transferred to another county. Why? Because my child's mother has a lawyer. She moved and didn't give her address, so I can't find our son. She literally filed for child support to be vindictive and is alienating me from our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 88

Hi there!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2025 22:00

Today, as I was getting out of the shower, I heard my roommate shout, “Your food delivery’s here!” I panicked, wrapped myself in a towel and ran to grab it before the driver left. The towel slipped halfway down the hall. I froze mid-motion when I realized that the delivery driver was still standing at the door, making direct eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 348

Spatial awareness

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 20:00

Today, I walked up to what appeared to be an automatic door. I stood for a second, waved my arms, but nothing happened. Then a guy came from behind me, pushed a clearly visible button under a clearly visible sign that read "Push to open." He said, “It’s OK, happens to everyone.” It doesn’t feel like it does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 315

Dazed and confused

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 03:00

Today, after my workout, I opened my locker to find… nothing. No phone, no keys, no wallet. I panicked and reported it to the front desk. Turns out I’d used locker 37, but my stuff was in 73. The staff found it immediately. I thanked them like they’d saved my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 379

Carpe Diem

By Anonymous - 01/11/2025 12:00

Today, at the Y, someone told me I had a cute ass. I liked that until I realized: a) a woman said it; b) I'm a woman; c) I'm straight; d) it's my first compliment in 2 years even though I'm 25; and e) I'm so in need of positive attention I ran after this woman to ask for a date. Me desperate much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 289

Kinda impressive

By Dan the man - 08/11/2025 12:00

Today, during a job interview, the interviewer asked me to “describe a time I overcame a challenge.” My mind went blank. After 10 seconds of silence, I blurted out, “Once, I tried to cancel my gym membership.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 146

None taken

By Sorry, guys - 13/11/2025 20:00

Today, it’s officially been 37 days since my fiance has seen me naked and longer than that since he’s tried to give me an orgasm. I’ve lost track of how long it’s been. I don’t want to end up like the people on here talking about sexless marriages for years and decades before we’re even married. No offense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 119

Just perfect

By Anonymous - 17/12/2025 15:00

Today, I finally told my boss that I need a week off to recharge; I presented dates, reasons, and felt brave. He nodded approvingly, then checked my calendar and asked, “Perfect, can you train the new hires that week?” I stared at my triumphant note then mourned my stolen week. Ugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 112

ESL FML

By Anonymous - 27/01/2026 09:00

Today, I’m a recent immigrant and finally felt confident enough to make a joke at work in my second language. During a meeting, I meant to say, “This deadline is tight,” but I said, “This deadline is aggressive.” The room went silent. My manager slowly replied, “The deadline is not mad at you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 111

Payback

By Anonymous - 21/02/2026 09:00

Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 125

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 04/03/2026 00:00

Today, I already felt like shit for no reason, only to find out my boyfriend been drinking again, even though he knows it worries me. He lives two hours away and I don't have a car. Apparently he's had two bottles of vodka, and he started getting nasty over the phone with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 140

Reality is weirder than fiction

By Broken Arm - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that while it is unlikely you'll break your arm by catching it in the door, it is perfectly possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 138

Dating is hell

By PrettyGirlCrookedMouth - 25/03/2026 09:00

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy from a dating app. He'd set the date and told me where to meet him. We met at a coffee shop, and he was an absolute gentleman. Five minutes after the date, I went to message him that I'd enjoyed myself, only to find he'd blocked me on the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 83

Get out

By Anonymous - 19/04/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband threw my brother out for wearing his dressing gown and eating his snacks, saying it was the final straw for his lazy, thieving, unemployed ass. I support my husband obviously, but now my parents are mad at me because my brother moved back in with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 117

No doxxing

By Anonymous - 21/04/2026 09:00 - United States - Yorktown

Today, me and my coworkers repaired a deck for a couple in Pungo. They got us lunch from a sandwich shop we’d been to a few times before. All of us, the couple, and dozens more people then got Norovirus from one of the sandwich shop employees. I puked so much that I lost SEVEN POUNDS in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 60

Family man

By Anonymous - 05/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, we were planning to go out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. My kids and I were all dressed and ready to go when my husband waltzes in with fast food. He said he found some coupons for a free family meal. The kids and I got upset and he said, "I didn't have to get this for you guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 121

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The Top

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 856

You deserved it 4 696

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 059

You deserved it 287 697

Random

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 5 406

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 995

You deserved it 3 503

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 187

You deserved it 4 673

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 549

You deserved it 2 912

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 283

You deserved it 17 471

Today, my fiancée is a Marvel fan, and insists her wedding ring be made of Palladium, the stuff that powers Iron Man’s heart. A ring in the style she wants costs almost £1000 and we are not wealthy, the budget for the entire wedding is only £4000, but she insists or she won’t marry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 384