The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 23 June 2026, 15:00 ·Dayton, United States

What did you ACTUALLY do?

Today, I got dumped, so I was sad. I was so unpopular in my friend group that everyone but two people "sided with my ex" in their words; the other two "didn't side." I'd told my ex that I hated her, so I asked my friend to tell her I'm sorry, my ex-friend then replied with death threats. Like WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 You deserved it 397

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Anonymous · 4 July 2026, 22:00 ·United States

The betrayal

Today, if you ever need reminding that parents blatantly have a favorite child, remember that my mother tried to fistfight my sister’s ex-husband AND his mother when they weren’t treating my sister right, but she invited my ex and the woman he cheated on me with to a family dinner. Thanks Ma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433 You deserved it 73

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unarmed · 14 July 2026, 00:00 ·Kansas City, United States

Hello?

Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 You deserved it 404

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Michelle · 18 July 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Grow up

Today, my 21 year-old daughter called crying because she was in pain due to a wisdom tooth. She was angry because she thinks I should have called the dentist for her. She can't get an appointment immediately, so now refuses to celebrate her birthday four weeks away. I told her that she's an adult now. Still my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 146

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Bad neighbor · 20 July 2026, 22:00 ·Brockville, Canada

Witty, but still…

Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · 23 July 2026, 03:00 ·Australia

I'm a mess

Today, I set practically ten alarms because I absolutely could not oversleep for an important appointment. I woke up two hours early, panicked that I'd missed it, and couldn't fall back asleep. I spent the entire appointment looking like I hadn't slept at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 You deserved it 111

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Flora · 30 July 2026, 00:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Naked

Today, I began my first solo holiday at my family's' lakeside cabin. After an hour of tanning in my fave bikini on the lake beach, I saw that I was alone, got brave enough to take a risk, and took off my bikini so my body could get a full tan. Guess when a family from a nearby cabin chose to also come to the lake for fun… FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 You deserved it 472

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Anonymous · 5 August 2026, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Forecast, my arse!

Today, I washed my car because rain wasn't in the forecast. It started pouring before I'd even finished drying it. The weather app still insists it's "Sunny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 304 You deserved it 79

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Fuck off · 10 August 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Not so glam now

Today, I shelled out the big bucks to stay at a luxurious glamping site in the mountains for some much-needed R&R. It was great… or would have been, were it not for the party animals in the other unit. Despite being fifty yards away, I could make out every word of the shit rap they blasted for 12 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358 You deserved it 88

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Anonymous · 26 August 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Gulls on film

Today, I'd signed up for a beginner birdwatching group because I wanted a quiet hobby. Everyone stood silently in a park for 20 minutes staring into a tree. I finally saw something move and whispered, “There!” The group leader looked through his binoculars and said, “That's a plastic bag.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 261 You deserved it 112

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Anonymous · 31 August 2026, 03:00 ·Canada

Zoned out

Today, I took a train to visit a friend and fell asleep for what felt like ten minutes. I woke up at the final stop with the carriage empty. The doors opened, I stepped onto the platform, and immediately realized I had no idea where I was or how I'd got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 You deserved it 277

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Anonymous · 2 October 2026, 12:00 ·Germany 🌶️ Spicy

Rumours

Today, I learned my ex-girlfriend has been going around to all of my friends and telling them that I wanted to fuck dead people. No wonder nobody has been talking to me for the past 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282 You deserved it 68

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Alex · 4 October 2026, 20:00 ·Quebec, Canada

Stinky mess

Today, I put my laundry into the machine before work and came home eight hours later. The clothes were still sitting there, completely dry. I'd forgotten to turn the machine on. Somehow that felt worse than forgetting the laundry altogether. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 You deserved it 242

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Anonymous · 7 October 2026, 00:00 ·Chicago, United States

Beep beep

Today, I was making dinner when the smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and stood there waving a towel at it like an idiot. Then I realized that the alarm was coming from the apartment next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 You deserved it 255

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Anonymous · 9 October 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

A knight's fail

Today, my boys fight a lot, and I watched as one of them revealed he bought a frigging knight's shield to protect himself, so his brother punched the shield, which flew backwards, hit him in the mouth and broke a tooth. I could not make this up if I tried. JUST GET ALONG ALREADY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 You deserved it 249

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Anonymous · 20 October 2026, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Getting on a bit

Today, because of alopecia, I'm bald with no beard, but during sex my wife said that I’m finally showing my age. When I asked what she was on about, she yanked a hair out of my ballsack and said, “Look, your first grey hair!” She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206 You deserved it 55

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Anonymous · 25 October 2026, 09:00 ·Hampton, United States

Can't catch a break

Today, while still on a month of bed rest from a recent surgery, I started developing a fever from a booster shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274 You deserved it 89

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MY EYES THEY BLEED · 1 November 2026, 03:00 ·Lancaster, United States

Can't unsee it

Today, I saw my mom's boyfriend naked. It was only from behind and it was a complete accident but still, ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213 You deserved it 72

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Anonymous · 8 November 2026, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Life's a bitch

Today, a tiny puppy only a few weeks old came out of some bushes and chose me as her human. I took her home and left her with my wife while I went back out for flea shampoo, milk, and a bed. When I got home, my wife had already called a charity to pick her up, because, “We’re not dog people.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 You deserved it 9

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Anonymous · 20 November 2025, 12:00

Brutal truth

Today, I showed my grandma my new haircut. She squinted for a moment and said, “Oh honey, it’ll grow back.” I said, “So you don’t like it?” She shrugged and said, “I’m just glad you’re confident enough to leave the house like that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 347 You deserved it 95

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Stinkygirl · 27 November 2025, 09:00

Sensaround

Today, our 16 year-old daughter is still staging a protest because we won’t let her scummy boyfriend move in with us. She’s decided to go on a “bathing strike” until we change our minds. It’s been over 30 days and our house smells like an NFL locker room took a shit in a bus station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481 You deserved it 96

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Louis · 1 December 2025, 22:00

Hydraulic failure

Today, I joined a work call feeling confident, until my chair slowly sank mid-meeting. I tried to discreetly readjust, but the chair hissed and dropped me two inches every few seconds until only my eyes were visible above the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 69

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Blue balls forever · 8 December 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Never? Never ever?

Today, I tried to talk to my wife about our lack of sex lately. Apparently, her therapist told her that her high libido and eagerness to experiment came from her early childhood issues, so now she's working through her trauma and will never want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389 You deserved it 113

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Tim · 22 December 2025, 09:00

Not so Secret Santa

Today I volunteered to organize the office Secret Santa. I carefully tracked names, budgets and preferences. On gift day, I realized I’d emailed the spreadsheet to everyone. People now know who hates mugs, who regifted last year, and who wrote “Anything but candles.” Our Christmas spirit died pretty darned quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 You deserved it 482

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Anonymous · 29 December 2025, 03:00

Wait, what?

Today, I confidently answered a question in a meeting, only to realize everyone was staring at me because I’d misunderstood it completely. My boss gently rephrased it while I nodded like that was my point all along. It absolutely wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135 You deserved it 333

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Not a thief!! · 11 January 2026, 22:00

Nice try

Today, I was grocery shopping and treated myself to fresh flowers. At self-checkout, I scanned everything, paid and left. An employee ran after me to ask if I’d paid for the flowers. I’d scanned them as bananas, paying 68 cents instead of $12. I awkwardly scuttled back inside to “fix it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 You deserved it 546

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Welp · 16 January 2026, 12:00

Let's not keep in touch

Today, I tried to reach out to an old friend. He answered the phone sounding half-asleep, then suddenly switched to an outrageously fake and racist Indian accent, and started yelling nonsense down the phone once I said my name. Guess that bridge is burned, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · 18 January 2026, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

The talk

Today, I had to have a conversation with my husband about how my toes have gone numb from the diabetes that it's no longer sexy when he sucks my toes, because it just feels odd and uncomfortable to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301 You deserved it 133

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Anonymous · 3 February 2026, 15:00

Baller

Today, I went to a coffee shop with the change I got back after buying a ball. After having waited in line for around twenty minutes, I was told that only credit cards were allowed. I'd left my wallet in my car because I thought I didn't need it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312 You deserved it 141

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Ouch · 17 February 2026, 09:00

Touch crowd

Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528 You deserved it 185

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