The Top

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Weak at the knees

By kaybear13 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Mateo

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 899

You deserved it 2 446

Stealthy

By jessye1182 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 6 408

Heeeeeelp!

By baddoggy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 293

You deserved it 23 856

Self report

By banana12321 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fresno

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 269

You deserved it 30 953

Harsh but fair

By darkangel7410 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 898

You deserved it 2 659

How romantic, Honey!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 705

You deserved it 3 773

How thoughtful

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 967

You deserved it 13 487

Extra protein

By ReluctantAntEater - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 313

You deserved it 3 624

Good job

By whatnow - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 951

You deserved it 34 727

Dick move

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker, "Turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you." I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 626

You deserved it 5 717

Lumpy

By popeye - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 368

You deserved it 5 479

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 486

You deserved it 2 522

Plumbing issues

By thirddegreeburned - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 2 685

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 756

You deserved it 4 393

The long arm of the law

By MattVh - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 239

You deserved it 2 523

Honesty

By smoothies14 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 952

You deserved it 2 512

Red flag

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 671

You deserved it 4 066

Hermit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Orlando

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 4 846

The Voice

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk, saying, "Shut the fuck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 418

You deserved it 4 380

Bedtime

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 661

You deserved it 1 711

Best seat in the house

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 701

You deserved it 1 949

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 080

You deserved it 3 170

Freaky family

By tkoester - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 395

You deserved it 1 638

Put those away

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 080

You deserved it 1 907

Tasty treat

By empress gleskizor the third of glarkon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 958

You deserved it 1 370

Big wuss

By tessisue - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut on his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 218

You deserved it 2 291

Yeetus

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 857

You deserved it 15 625

Silver linings, eh?

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next four hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 280

You deserved it 3 523

Way to beat the "weird dad" allegations

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 301

You deserved it 3 301

It's coming!

By badmom - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 483

You deserved it 4 917

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Cooking Gross AITA Bodyshaming Love Sex Health Poopoo peepee Family Money Vacation Transportation Intimacy Relatable Awkward Kids Death Mother in law My ex I need your advice Break-ups Embarrassing Food Teachers School Clumsy Healthy Lifestyle Animals Cats

The Top

Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside in the garden. At 3 a.m., I’m awoken by something licking my face. A dog? A camel. A camel! FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 167

Today, I got stuck in a three-hour traffic jam because I sneezed and missed the road I was meant to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 642

You deserved it 4 927

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 6 878

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 1 518

Today, I'm worried my mother might have the early onset of senility. She started making gumbo, only to lose the plot halfway through, and then began throwing in the ingredients for chili. The result was an inedible mess, and she insisted we've had this for years. Then she tasted it, and yelled, "What the hell is this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 88

Today, I have to choose between getting a new job and losing my health insurance as a result, or staying unemployed and being evicted. Did I mention that I am unemployed due to severely breaking my leg with no legal recourse? FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 123