Today, my parents disowned me because I would not open my family's home to my sister and her family because their home burned down. My sister and her husband have twelve kids and they have the same crazy fundamentalist beliefs as the Duggar family. But my parents say, "THEY'RE FAMILY!!!" FML
Today, my dad wrecked yet another car by driving drunk. He's now in jail and has a broken arm. I've begged my family to help him get sober, but they just say, "Stop your americanized bullshit, he's fine, this is how we do in the old country." I'm scared he's gonna get someone killed. FML
Today, I'm trying to use a cheat code in a (singleplayer) game and the code doesn't work. So now I gotta go down to a game hacking server I'm in and make a Action Replay code request, something I am absolutely not a fan of doing. I'd make the code myself but I failed at that, too. FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom and smelled a disgusting cheesy smell. I looked at the tub and my boyfriend was furiously scrubbing under his toenails with a nail brush. FML
Today, after my husband yelled at me for wasting money by getting my nails done, I decided to buy the supplies and watch YouTube to figure out how to do them myself. He then yelled at me for wasting money on the supplies. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my boyfriend because he decided to run over my foot with his new fancy bike. I think my foot's broken. We can't afford the bike, much less the ER bill with it. FML
Today, I was supposed to go to Bible Camp but my stepmom talked my dad out of letting me go because of those floods in Texas last year. FML
Today, I made a trip that would usually takes three hours, but took over five thanks to holiday traffic, to comfort my best friend after another breakup with her horrible boyfriend. We'd planned to go and watch the fireworks; instead she completely ghosted me in this strange town so she and him could "work things out." FML
Today, I gathered all the evidence I needed to prove that my fiancé has been cheating on me. When I showed it to him, he looked at it, then looked me right in the eye and said, “So you did all this just to learn their names, cry, and stay with me anyway?” Sadly, he’s right. FML
Today, I was helping a friend tidy their garden and I lifted up a big sheet of plywood. Turns out there was a wasp nest under it. Also, turns out my friend knew it was there and let me disturb it because they “wanted to see what would happen.” About 600 fucking wasp stings, that’s what happens, you twat. FML
Today, I clicked on an “Angel Message” website link from a website I use to research Wicca. As I am a witch with 7 years experience, I knew this was too good to be true, but thought it would just be good for a laugh. Turns out it was a scam website. FML
Today, I broke up with my ex not too long ago, then I fell for another guy and he liked me too, but now a few weeks later we grew distant because of the same reason my ex broke up with me for, how I'm too clingy and affectionate, etc. FML
Today, I admitted to my fiance that I'm glad I had a miscarriage. He kicked me out and called off our wedding. FML
Today, I realized that in some of my early relationships the girls were so possessive and pushed for merger and marriage that they scared me, so now I can only be reliably attracted to women who don't want me. The slightest sign of interest in more than a fling and I'm out. It's been like this for 30 years. FML
Today, a girl I knew in high school who now lives out of state came to town to visit and stay over. We've been talking albeit romantically for the past few months. Not thirty minutes after we arrived at my place from the airport, her ex-boyfriend came by and she hopped in his car. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, after her shower, my wife bent over naked in front of me so I went to dive in face-first, and she farted in my face for laughs. The thing is I physically saw some pieces of shit fly out and land on my shoe, and this was after her shower when she should have been clean as a whistle. FML
Today, I think I was just nominated as a crazy old cat lady. I was sitting in my garden when a stray methodically came back and forth, leaving her three kittens in one of my flowerbeds two feet from me, and now she hasn’t been back all day. I guess I own cats now. Three of them. FML
Today, my family somehow discovered how much money I make. They didn’t ask for money, or try to be my friend, or try to manipulate me, they just jumped straight to demanding ludicrous amounts of cash for fabricated and imaginary reasons, and already have their own lawyer. FML
Today, I'm being called despicable, cruel, and heartless because I refused to take in my deceased sister's four kids, which resulted in them being put in separate foster homes. I'm 20, live in a tiny studio apartment, and attend college and work full-time. FML
Today, I found out that my (amazing) adoptive parents are going to be investigated by CPS and no one's telling me why. I'm terrified I'm going to be taken away and end up back in foster care again. FML
Today, I had a double cheeseburger with a side of onion rings for lunch. Thirty minutes later my body reacted by giving me a bellyache and a HUGE need to shit. The good news, it was a normal pooh; it's just when I eat big, I go big. Bad. I was in his car with my guy when I "let go". He definitely noticed & smelled it. FML
Today, I woke up realizing my wife of less than a year of marriage wants a divorce. We have known each other for 15 years. FML
Today, I'm still unemployed after almost a year because my last job couldn't transfer me when my wife and I had to move due to her job. I can't even find something like grocery store or fast food. Seriously beginning to resent her. FML
Today, my husband read my texts and discovered that I get a laugh out of making him beg for sex. He handed me a printout of the texts and coldly said, "Either we're going down the list of everything you've said no to, or I find a side piece. Make a choice." FML
Today, I greeted a customer with my usual “Hi, how are you?” She started telling me, in detail, about the terrible day she was having, job stress, family issues, everything. I stood there for 10 minutes listening because I didn’t want to be rude. At the end, she sighed, “Thanks, I’m not buying anything today” and left. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter-in-law pegging my son, who was tied to the bed. You know, I try to be open-minded and figure they can do whatever between themselves, but maybe not in my spare room? FML
Today, I was once again sent tons of Mother's Day cards in the mail, even though my son died years ago and I've told people that I'm not a mother anymore. FML
Today, I was walking past a restaurant to my car. Some man who was sitting on the patio went completely out of his way to walk through the restaurant, out the door, and follow me halfway down the street, just to tell me that my hair was ugly, my makeup was too thick, and my dress was “slutty.” FML
Today, I'm grounded for literally the whole summer because my parents found out that I was still seeing my grandma behind their backs, even though they banned her from ever seeing us again after she spanked my sister. FML
Today, I came home after spending the past two months at summer camp, just for my parents to excitedly announce that I'm going to be spending the next two weeks in Florida with my grandma. We have to leave in literally a couple hours. FML
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