When it's cold outside By Lewis - 12/12/2018 18:00 It's duck cold! I agree, your life sucks 255 You deserved it 62 Share Tweet Share
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML I agree, your life sucks 74 487 You deserved it 38 933
Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML I agree, your life sucks 28 086 You deserved it 2 489
Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 11 784 You deserved it 22 715
Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML I agree, your life sucks 30 675 You deserved it 2 356
Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML I agree, your life sucks 25 136 You deserved it 72 223
Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 79 334 You deserved it 6 428
Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package, we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year-old daughter to see what she thought about it. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML I agree, your life sucks 10 244 You deserved it 88 892
Today, my girlfriend revealed that last night she decided to 'test how asleep I was' by putting her finger up my nose as far as she could. Then in my mouth. Then in my ear. Then back in my mouth. I slept through the whole thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 900 You deserved it 144