Work: Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a...

Hey guys, OP here. Just wanted to clarify a couple of things: My name is "Mike," hence the name I used. I didn't call her any names or say anything witty back. I was honestly too dumbfounded by her saying that to me to think of anything, so I just walked away. Your comments are fucking hilarious though. They made me feel much better about the situation. Also I don't wear a name tag so when I introduced myself I couldn't really take it back. I like my name though, so she can shove it. (:

Work

And today, on Dr Phil…

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

Ungrateful

10/06/2016 17:02

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 1 293

30/03/2009 04:13

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 509

You deserved it 4 160

25/06/2009 19:15

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 523

You deserved it 4 163

01/08/2014 05:24

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 3 267

01/07/2013 21:14

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 638

You deserved it 2 524

08/03/2009 07:11

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 153

You deserved it 54 113

21/05/2019 12:00

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 92

Time to ditch

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 19:58

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 126

02/10/2014 23:51

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 199

You deserved it 3 247

16/12/2012 00:46

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 2 540

04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 357

You deserved it 4 687

02/04/2009 05:09

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 978

You deserved it 7 212

27/07/2011 00:01

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 13 232

04/11/2010 05:19

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 782

You deserved it 6 342

03/09/2013 04:13

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 921

You deserved it 5 171

19/05/2019 00:05

Today, I was seeing my boyfriend for the first time in 3 weeks. I was so excited to see him that I gave him a big hug. He must have been excited to see me too, because he hugged me so tight that he squeezed a fart out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 243

Thanks, "Mom"

By thafinest - 12/10/2009 23:32

Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 534

You deserved it 2 266

Can you hear me, Dave?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 05:02

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 174

23/06/2014 13:56

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 877

You deserved it 5 274

OK then…

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:02

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 144

You deserved it 3 512

27/05/2009 07:11

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 916

You deserved it 79 808

30/08/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 2 538

12/01/2017 09:37

Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 604

You deserved it 2 267

Dragging it out

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 02:02

Today, I hadn’t seen my boyfriend since New Year’s Day, then we went out for lunch Valentine's Day and at the end of the date he didn’t even kiss me. He texted me at midnight tonight saying he sorry he’s a jerk and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 88

13/12/2012 18:00

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 095

You deserved it 2 598

17/07/2009 10:12

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 709

You deserved it 6 079

21/11/2012 20:43

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 670

You deserved it 4 654

15/11/2010 09:35

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 027

You deserved it 5 401

16/11/2013 19:31

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 343

You deserved it 48 652

23/06/2016 12:35

Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 120

You deserved it 1 379

26/09/2010 04:10

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 033

You deserved it 38 242

17/07/2013 20:13

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 5 539

03/07/2012 02:22

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 109

You deserved it 2 430

28/06/2016 11:12

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 121

You deserved it 969

22/07/2013 02:35

Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 561

You deserved it 4 047

24/05/2011 04:27

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 239

You deserved it 4 476

16/09/2011 22:10

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 821

You deserved it 2 217

29/03/2009 04:37

Today, I was denied acceptance to The University of Georgia. I was down all day so I decided to go to a party my friend was throwing. Thinking it would cheer me up, as soon as I arrive all I see is colleges on shirts, hats, and sweatshirts, most being UGA. It was a college acceptance party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 975

You deserved it 7 843

20/08/2019 14:00

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 462

05/02/2011 16:33

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing with her her three wild children. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 975

You deserved it 3 336

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Top comments

jakers8424 18

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:19

Is your name Hitler?

imnotslick 18

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:23

you could've covered it and said it was your middle name you've always gone by, then you can come up with a really sick new name for yourself. like Sergio. I think shrek is the real winner though.

Comments

cat4651 15

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:18

Jeeze..what's your name??

seninaa 27

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:25

His name is probably Mike

cat4651 15

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:27

Ah, looking closely would help.

Creed_Aprooved 12

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Sunday 2 August 2015 18:07

Shwurtits

JMichael 25

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Sunday 2 August 2015 18:08

Mike didn't wash his hands.

kangx1 28

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Monday 3 August 2015 4:44

Someone's not a fan of Magic Mike

jakers8424 18

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:19

Is your name Hitler?

hahatofunny 20

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:21

I believe it's mike

Ichiya 29

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:32

Could be Kaitlin ( pronounced cat lin) because I know I hate parents who name their sons that.

danimal_crackerz 26

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Sunday 2 August 2015 19:32

Or Mao

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Sunday 2 August 2015 22:33

Call me Caitlyn

jezka374 15

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:19

I'd reply with well "I hate stereotypical bitches like you"

quickit 24

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Sunday 2 August 2015 19:19

I guess she's not a fan of the movie, "Like Mike"

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 2 August 2015 22:22

Or maybe she prefers the Ike in Mike & Ike.

Morning_fml 22

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Sunday 2 August 2015 23:03

Yeah word, if your looks are a 9 but your personality is a 3, you're a 3.

arano 29

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Monday 3 August 2015 14:11

63, that would make perfect sense if she had actually known anything about my personality.

llamingo 8

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Monday 3 August 2015 20:29

He is talking about the girl I think. She might be cute but has a bad personality

TheKingOfHearts 19

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:21

lol so sorry your name is Dick and Richard FYL

nataliewby 25

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Sunday 2 August 2015 18:12

What? OP's username clearly states his name is Mike. How you got Dick/Richard is beyond me

appletreee 30

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:21

Looks like she's not worth your time, OP.

imnotslick 18

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:23

you could've covered it and said it was your middle name you've always gone by, then you can come up with a really sick new name for yourself. like Sergio. I think shrek is the real winner though.

Bibblejomin 18

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Sunday 2 August 2015 20:05

Shrek is Love.

Solano2580 24

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Sunday 2 August 2015 21:52

Oh yes, because he can do that now after the conversation had already ended. -_-

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 2 August 2015 22:21

#53 that's why #7 said "could've" meaning OP can no longer do it but would have been a good solution.

Sydni_1022 8

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Sunday 2 August 2015 22:33

I feel bad for people that think like you.

I_Bite 22

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Monday 3 August 2015 2:40

So start a friendship or potential relationship on a lie, with someone who won't give you a chance because of a name? I do love Shrek though.

imnotslick 18

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Tuesday 4 August 2015 9:49

and i feel bad that you're an asshole :)

llama_monicz 21

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:24

Basic bitch

beeferjay 34

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:26

not all the cute ones have great intellectual capacity...

ThatHorse 15

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Sunday 2 August 2015 18:51

Why are you limiting it to the cute ones? Do you think other humans with different appearances have different levels of intelligence? Sorry but just humans in general can either be smart, stupid, or somewhere inbetween.

Indianboy9321 25

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Sunday 2 August 2015 20:24

Looks like you're just stupid, not smart or in between. Not every comment on here is trying to incite hatred or ignite flame wars.

hkhan24 23

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:27

Sounds like an amazing person. I would not bother interacting with her again. I However if you are still interested in befriending her you can tell her that maybe you can change her perception of the name.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:28

Should've left your last name out of it. Not everyone can appreciate Mike Hunt.

Ichiya 29

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Sunday 2 August 2015 16:34

But she might have liked his brother Yoric Hunt...

daemonsparta 16

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Sunday 2 August 2015 18:25

17 nobody likes yoric.. his cousin mai dong however. ...