Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her it meant that they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She's 16. FML
Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML
Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
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Top comments
slooby_fml 25
She's pretty clever to not fall for your shenanigans
ryanthecheeseguy 18
This girl is going places. Not college, but places.
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Comments (123)
akaiberry 15
Eat one yourself to prove it won't kill her.
Landowner 8
haha that's a CLASSIC! Your life is not f'ed, everyone goes through that joke.
alwayswinning123 7
This girls got a bright future ahead of her
evey13 8
I was told that about watermelon seeds.
pacmanman 15
Reassure her by telling her you've ate an apple seed before and you're just fine. Hopefully that helps...
MEM0817 18
My Mother told me once when I was 5 that the watermelon seed I swallowed was going to make a tree grow out of my ear... Then she made me believe it was growing out of my ear right then and there. I screamed and cried while she laughed her ass off. Not exactly my favorite moment between her and I.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Is this the same guy who's kid told his sister they were a ghost family?
crisanba 18
Smart girl but just a wrong view on it
angelofmusic113 9
Well apple seeds do contain cyanide, so I would be careful and not let her eat too many of those if I were you. But hopefully she'll get past the whole tree-growing-in-her thing soon.
nentenkupo 19
The amount of cyanide in an apple seed is so small you'd need several thousand just to get sick
thatgirlincali 13
Woo, so I'm not the only one who believed their older brother about seeds in your stomach growing a tree