Today, my last five dates have dumped me because of the way I... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By cowy - 23/06/2019 03:20

Today, my last five dates have dumped me because of the way I chew. I chew with my mouth closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 17

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

BloodyButUnbowed 25

Thursday 27 June 2019 20:29

OP, you may have your mouth closed, but something's wrong. It might be time to videorecord yourself eating, or to ask a close friend for a no-holds-barred critique.

alicelouise66 5

Tuesday 16 July 2019 5:42

apparently that has nothing to do with the fact that people find it offensive.

Comments

BloodyButUnbowed 25

Thursday 27 June 2019 20:29

OP, you may have your mouth closed, but something's wrong. It might be time to videorecord yourself eating, or to ask a close friend for a no-holds-barred critique.

alicelouise66 5

Tuesday 16 July 2019 5:42

apparently that has nothing to do with the fact that people find it offensive.

Keywords

Love Awkward Relatable Students Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Revenge Food Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Jealousy Social Media

The Top

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 3 567

Today, the coworker I have been hitting it off with rejected me. Apparently she has a crush on another male employee. An employee who is married and somehow has three other girls in our store actually fighting over him (I've heard arguments). She thinks she has a chance? FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 179

The Top

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 751

You deserved it 6 435

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 1 483

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 391

You deserved it 2 153

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 948

You deserved it 4 935

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 2 129

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 266

You deserved it 3 392