Today, my electricity supplier cut my power off. Literally. They... - FML

By Mac22 - 12/2/2016 05:02 - Senegal - Dakar

Today, my electricity supplier cut my power off. Literally. They cut the cable that supplies my apartment in electricity. FML

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Instadrama

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 9/10/2017 23:15

Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2013 05:54 - United States

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

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By thesadone - 3/7/2010 06:49 - United States

Today, I realized that the best and most entertaining part of my 3 day mini vacation was realizing my nipples work on the touch screen of my iPhone. FML

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By pottyhostage - 8/11/2010 21:26 - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 16:13 - Netherlands

Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML

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By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 17:30

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

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By and somehow you have a master's degree - 7/11/2017 01:30

Good excuse.

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

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By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/6/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

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By dickface - 1/4/2016 01:52 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

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By danggit3290 - 3/5/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

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By catdog - 2/1/2013 06:07 - United States - West Sacramento

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

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By ekoblick - 17/6/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

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By ART - 6/3/2010 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

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By 11lyss1 - 23/5/2011 04:26

Today, I opened my new clothing store. My only customer was my mom and the only reason she came in was to tell me that someone stole my sign. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 07:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

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By BeatenUpPup - 18/5/2009 12:22 - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

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By anonymous - 22/4/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 05:01

Judge not

Today, my friend dragged me out of a movie because they swore a bit and there was drug use. Apparently, she's a Mormon now, and, "doesn't want her values compromised." This from the same girl who tried to get me to try crack a few weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2010 07:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

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By Wowseriously - 18/9/2019 12:00 - United States

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 05:06

Uninvolved

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

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By fml7458364838 - 25/6/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

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By stonesober - 31/12/2010 01:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that "going for a meal and going out clubbing" for New Year's means me cooking for my mates and driving them to the pub. FML

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By pritch44 - 17/6/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, to celebrate my older sister's 21st birthday, my parents forced me to take the night off work so we could all go to the casino. Not only is this coming out of my vacation, I wasn't old enough to enter the casino, so I had to sit in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2020 17:00

Social distancing done right

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

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By ifmlftw - 22/6/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

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By see you next cunt - 18/3/2014 19:44 - United States

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

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By dont_shit_where_i_eat - 29/8/2017 23:15

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

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By flyakite - 22/8/2014 03:53 - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

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By NotYourToy - 27/1/2016 07:59 - United States - Binghamton

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

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By MdT - 23/5/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

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By Steve-noh - 10/8/2018 23:30

All in a day's work.

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

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By secret dancer - 16/8/2011 16:55 - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2018 01:30

How shocking!

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 02:45 - United States

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving 'chem trails', and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

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Top comments

By gabimk23 | 13

#6610499 - Friday 20 May 2016 14:42

why though

By UserDoesNotExist | 12

#6610486 - Friday 20 May 2016 14:33

Wow that's very SHOCKING

COMMENTS

By UserDoesNotExist | 12

#6610486 - Friday 20 May 2016 14:33

Wow that's very SHOCKING

By gabimk23 | 13

#6610499 - Friday 20 May 2016 14:42

why though

By UserDoesNotExist | 12

#6610500 - Friday 20 May 2016 14:43

But in all seriousness, sorry that happened to you.

By jmagd781 | 16

#6610514 - Friday 20 May 2016 15:00

pay your bills

Reply

nanner6206 | 24

#6610522 - Friday 20 May 2016 15:11

Read the FML before making useless suggestions.

By ssnow_fml | 20

#6610530 - Friday 20 May 2016 15:21

Well that sucks for you

By Host2phats | 21

#6610646 - Friday 20 May 2016 17:27

I have no idea what went through their heads, but I can't think of any reason for that. Maybe they just want a reason to see you for long periods of time without showing their obsession.

By naviajack626 | 16

#6610718 - Friday 20 May 2016 18:49

Back to the stone age lol

By TigranPet | 24

#6610758 - Friday 20 May 2016 19:30

You should try talking to whoever is in charge of that and maybe get things cleared up.

By HeadlessSparrow | 20

#6610908 - Friday 20 May 2016 22:12

Look on the bright side, electricity bills will be low!

By Moskaaa7 | 26

#6610939 - Friday 20 May 2016 23:10

Shit just got real.