Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ultimate_No 7
However, you're a hero and may have saved his and other people's lives.
jonnied23 20
Cleaning up puke is much easier than cleaning up an automobile accident
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (55)
lndala 15
I love OP's name. I think I can even hear the frustration.
perdix 31
Why didn't you call him a cab? Hey, you're a cab!
Pstraka6 20
Hey, way to be a good guy making sure he didn't drive! But make sure he cleans up the mess he made
DocBastard 40
Damn you! It's responsible people like you who deprive me of blog posts!
KLeePrice 11
No worries Doc, there are enough irresponsible people in the world to keep your blog going for life! Which I enjoy by the way! Thank you for sharing your stories with us.
Glitter_taco_ 10
Don't worry, you'll find some one irresponsible soon. The world is full of irresponsible people!
LestonA 3
Maybe if you would of taken him to HIS house that wouldn't happen.
KLeePrice 11
Would've, could've, should've. The 've is short for ha(ve), not of!
RainbowDashie140 12
While you are correct, most people choose to pronounce it that way.
Ms_ValS 27
It's not a choice they make, it's their ignorance & stupidity.
CharresBarkrey 16
50 - Typing or writing "would of" is not the same as pronouncing it as "would've." They're two separate sayings, and "would of" means absolutely nothing in English - it's incorrect.
jmcr 27
That was really cool of you to convince him not to drive not so cool to try to climb in bed with you but at least he isnt climbing out of a major car wreck you most likely saved his and someone else's life
maebelline12 12
If he was in a major car wreck I doubt he would be in any condition to climb out of his car. Good save OP!
Dave_Davington 35
Well, he's nothing if not an opportunist.
rt567 15
this really pisses me off, if you're drunk, have someone call a damn cab or have a friend drive you, never get behind the wheel when drunk please. it can kill you, or others, or both. I was at the rehabilitation I stitute of Chicago, there were two 14 yr old girls, both with traumatic brain injuries, one of them could move or comprehend thing at all, at 14 her life is now changed forever. and two other 17 yr old boys. please think before behind the wheel.
Mr_Satan 11
Better off taking a cab to, or getting dropped off at wherever you're drinking. Nobody makes good decisions when they're drunk, so take away the risk beforehand rather than hoping you stay smart enough to not do something so stupid.
TheSofaKing 7
He wanted to show his appreciation.
misterjez 15
And you still slept with him didnt you. Disgusting.