Today my boyfriend who I live with told me that I needed to find... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By heartbroken - 2/4/2020 22:04

Today my boyfriend who I live with told me that I needed to find another place to stay the worst part I gave up my apartment and quit my job a week ago and don’t have any friends in this town since I moved here for him FML.

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By whoops - 15/8/2016 04:07 - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

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By Trey Deluna - 3/12/2010 17:12 - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 00:10 - United States - Persia

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

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By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

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By Jaclk - 24/4/2012 21:28 - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2013 21:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2014 22:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, I started a new internship. I couldn't do anything until I was trained, and I couldn't be trained until I had a login. I stared at a wall for three hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my unemployed boyfriend and I went to the casino. I gave him twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar machine then jackpotted the ten dollar machine for $20,000. When we got home he broke up with me. I have been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML

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By Ishikur - 3/2/2016 13:33 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

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By moweezy9 - 21/2/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

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By ScarredEars - 12/8/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

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By BigHelp - 8/7/2015 00:52 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

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By caught out - 26/4/2014 23:29 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

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By Ugh - 16/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

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By yif2 - 16/5/2015 11:47 - United States

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

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By Not impressed. - 19/11/2013 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

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By moncheri1314 - 10/9/2010 16:13 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

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By EpicFail - 4/2/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

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By Imagino1234 - 14/12/2016 18:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

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By Omi - 20/10/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

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By Barstaff - 24/12/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

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By MissPerspirent - 28/9/2011 02:18 - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

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By Yohm - 6/11/2008 09:41 - France

Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML

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By sorenips - 3/10/2011 23:19 - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

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By vsf - 2/8/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

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By Beaten - 31/7/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He's been in jail for the last four months. I paid for his very expensive lawyer. FML

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By Anon - 26/6/2014 04:03 - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

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By birthdayfail - 24/5/2011 07:55

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

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By crotchshothottie - 26/7/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

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By drunkdial - 6/1/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

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By involuntary waxing - 15/1/2012 09:00 - Canada

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

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By harrypottermuch - 26/11/2009 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

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By sad associate - 19/12/2016 01:51 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I swung my arm with a product in my hand, and the product flew out of the packaging and hit an old lady on her head. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 20:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

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By goincrazy - 16/7/2012 08:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

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By ohyesIfeelspecial - 18/5/2012 16:05 - United States - Portland

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

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By sostupid - 10/10/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

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Top comments

By Richard Rowling | 8

#7895336 - Monday 6 April 2020 1:41

that's sucks and heart's broken. DM me.

Comments

By Richard Rowling | 8

#7895336 - Monday 6 April 2020 1:41

that's sucks and heart's broken. DM me.