Money: Today, I was using the bathroom at McDonald's when my wallet...

By NotSoTypical - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom at McDonald's when my wallet fell out of my pocket. A lady reached into my stall and tried to grab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45068

You deserved it

2970

Favorite

NotSoTypical tells us more :

Hello, OP here! So you FMLers know, my wallet now goes in safe places when I use the bathroom( ie. My purse or backpack.) I was actually in the process of reaching down to pick it up when her hand appeared in my stall, from under the door. I didn't step on her hand, but thought about it. I did yell at her and report her to management, though. She has actually stolen other people's wallets, so I guess I am lucky.

Money

Walk on the wild side

Dangling modifier

Lockdown blues

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2255

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By nhyari - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46018

You deserved it

4139

Favorite

By insightful - Australia

Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21167

You deserved it

10983

Favorite

By sickbaby - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45313

You deserved it

3220

Favorite

By poopiter - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60855

You deserved it

4745

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 17:02

Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By Myboyfriendisaromanticslob - Canada

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33318

You deserved it

6447

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62626

You deserved it

18194

Favorite

By PooperParty - 5/4/2021 11:00

Crybabies

Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

328

You deserved it

1481

Favorite

By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Pile on

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

809

You deserved it

Favorite

By owmyballs - Thailand

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9048

You deserved it

37153

Favorite

By BALEIGHLOVE17

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47696

You deserved it

3722

Favorite

By missedout - United States - York

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39513

You deserved it

3241

Favorite

By bingalingading - United States - Owosso

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31582

You deserved it

2472

Favorite

By teach - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39169

You deserved it

8471

Favorite

By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1704

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By Moe - United States

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30053

You deserved it

7620

Favorite

By lauz - Australia

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21745

You deserved it

4158

Favorite

By Blondie - United States

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16224

You deserved it

92676

Favorite

By slickrick22 - United States

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23511

You deserved it

3911

Favorite

By BadgerSpirit - United States

Spooky

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15844

You deserved it

43706

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28141

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 15:30 - United States

Time to adopt a bunch of cats

Today, I burst into tears when my 35 year-old cousin announced on social media she is going to be a grandma. Her 16 year-old son's girlfriend is pregnant. I am 33, single, and have been romantically invisible to everyone my whole life. I'm gonna die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

969

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By JennaMarie - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47269

You deserved it

17728

Favorite

By Kim - 17/7/2020 23:01

To the window, to the wall

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1470

You deserved it

379

Favorite

By Nekro_Kat - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34711

You deserved it

3882

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Boundaries

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1521

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37877

You deserved it

10331

Favorite

By Sexting Parents - United States - Short Hills

Nice view

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32750

You deserved it

2733

Favorite

By MaySheRestinPeace

With friends like these…

Today, a friend asked me to cover his shift at work because his grandmother died. Like any decent friend, I obliged. Later, after leaving, I walked by a bar and saw him inside, laughing and doing shots with all of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1938

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By LadyChristina25 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34503

You deserved it

81616

Favorite

By harshdoobie - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33067

You deserved it

3322

Favorite

By manksy - United Kingdom

Today, when I was unpacking all of my stuff, my parents declared that they are going to live in Australia, and have found me a 'friend'. I am a 14 year old girl at boarding school, and my friend is my new foster mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50890

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By Pooperscooper - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45577

You deserved it

6850

Favorite

By me - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out that the guy who asked me out only did so because he thought I "looked rich." He broke everything off once he found out I live in a one-bedroom apartment and drive a 14-year old Volvo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49829

You deserved it

4628

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 23:01

I'm a mess

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

307

You deserved it

1094

Favorite

By Shouldn'taWornaThong - United States - Tempe

Shouldn't have worn a thong...

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5491

You deserved it

284

Favorite

By dad - United States

Stop

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34279

You deserved it

82976

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31498

You deserved it

6624

Favorite

By never-even-owned-a-car - 30/8/2020 17:02

Broke

Today, it's the tenth anniversary of me getting my driver's license. My record is perfect: no accidents, no tickets. Today is also the tenth anniversary of the last time I drove a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1086

You deserved it

472

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By gamber9210 | 13

#5695853 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:17

People these days.. Geeze.

By Grauncho | 26

#5695869 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:22

I hope you stomped on her hand.

COMMENTS

By gamber9210 | 13

#5695853 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:17

People these days.. Geeze.

fishstick557 | 14

#5695874 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:26

You've kept me at suspense OP... Did she get it??

etoilenuit | 15

#5695880 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:27

This is literally what I said in my head before I read your comment.

bethers_ | 22

#5695883 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:29

Op said "tried to grab it," not "grabbed it," so I think the wallet is safe. At any rate, I hope Op stepped on her fingers! :O

calilovesneb | 12

#5695946 - Monday 30 September 2013 11:00

Forget stepping on her fingers, I would have pissed on her.

Nevermind212 | 11

#5695957 - Monday 30 September 2013 11:30

I sometimes feel sorry for this planet

jw90 | 18

#5695965 - Monday 30 September 2013 11:49

Is she really that desperate for money? Wait..she's eating at McDonalds. Answered my own question.

BugEatingMan | 4

#5696099 - Monday 30 September 2013 14:02

#34 you just made my day hahaha i could imagine the picture in my head

immunetoinsanity | 23

#5696496 - Monday 30 September 2013 19:44

I would have stepped on her hand and pissed on her arm. Just me?

Kamon97 | 23

#5696549 - Monday 30 September 2013 20:17

Next time that happens she should just step on her fingers...

IloveToLaugh143 | 21

#5697333 - Tuesday 1 October 2013 6:19

Some people just.....just make you wonder. How the hell are you going to try and take someone's wallet? 1. You're in two seperats stalls, your hand shouldn't even be in any other stall besides yours! 2. You know someone is in the stall next to you, but you still try and take it anyway. I bet if you asked her why she did it, she would've said, "I didn't know you were in there.".....-_- If I were you I would've just shit on her hand. Imagine how fast she'd be running out her stall...

footcheezeez | 16

#5760420 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 17:17

Stomp on the fuckers hand! Crush her fuckin fingers!

By Pauschinator | 22

#5695855 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:17

Hashtag thirsty!

asnakelovinbabe | 16

#5695865 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:21

..... What????

Seriously... this stupid hashtag shit.

golden_warrior | 23

#5695877 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:26

Fuck it, number sign not thirsty

Grauncho | 26

#5695881 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:28

Get out.

Brownie101abc | 7

#5696062 - Monday 30 September 2013 13:17

That doesn't make sense.....

Llama_Face89 | 33

#5696160 - Monday 30 September 2013 15:02

You need to reevaluate your life choices..

Pauschinator | 22

#5696204 - Monday 30 September 2013 16:02

My bad. I don't even know how I did that? It was at 3:30 in the morning. I'm sorry.

EpicJman2828 | 11

#5696400 - Monday 30 September 2013 18:49

Welcome to our quaint little community of FML we have our regulars, our "almost there" comments, grammar nazis and a fair share of assholes. You brought that #shit in and now we invite you to get the fuck out.

SmilieAKD | 20

#5696599 - Monday 30 September 2013 20:49

That is one if my favorite comments of all time.

anitriarose | 5

#5697319 - Tuesday 1 October 2013 6:03

tic-tac-toe board you all suck

IloveToLaugh143 | 21

#5697334 - Tuesday 1 October 2013 6:21

No....just no. How does that even make sense? Like wtf?

psyonomega | 4

#5888524 - Tuesday 18 March 2014 9:10

hashtag go fuck yourself

By golden_warrior | 23

#5695859 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:18

It's Mcdonalds and weird shits are bound to happen

ileenefudge | 29

#5695920 - Monday 30 September 2013 10:19

Just imagine what would have happened if it had been in Walmart...

tanekdrachonae | 19

#5696075 - Monday 30 September 2013 13:28

@3 Not weird, just greasy. ;-)

TheCaramelKing | 11

#5696681 - Monday 30 September 2013 22:12

Golden_warrior, I always see you reply to a comment with negative votes and have a comment with positive votes...

cottoncandymango | 17

#5700022 - Wednesday 2 October 2013 23:08

Damn. Thirsty people are McDonald's these days...

By ThePikachuHood | 4

#5695860 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:18

She was desperate.

Miss_Latina | 13

#5695890 - Monday 30 September 2013 9:38

She is ghetto!

SmittyKick | 18

#5696594 - Monday 30 September 2013 20:48

#25- woah, being "ghetto" doesn't make you like that, in fact there are people who live in the "ghetto" that are very helpful towards others. I should know because I lived there. please do not generalize people who do stupid, selfish and ignorant things as "ghetto"

TheDrifter | 23

#5696740 - Monday 30 September 2013 22:59

Not everyone in the ghetto is ghetto and not all ghetto people live in the ghetto. It's just a clear and concise description of behavior that is fairly universally understood.