Today, I was on an adult-orientated website when my mother entered...

By Deathrace - 17/5/2011 13:08 - India

Today, I was on an adult-orientated website when my mother entered the room. I closed the webpage as fast as I could by clicking everywhere. I discovered later that, while panicking, I clicked on “share on Facebook”. FML

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Intimacy

Live dumping

Tidy your room

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I wanted to buy a Philly cheesesteak from my campus grill, but I was running late so I ordered a grilled cheese as it would be simpler to prep. I then waited 20 minutes and watched as the cooks made 4 cheesesteaks for other orders before even starting my grilled cheese. I was late. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 14:00 - Japan

Today, my friend and I dressed up as dice for Halloween. The rest of the night consisted of us, harassed by drunks asking, 'Can we roll you around?' and constantly being shaken. FML

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By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - 23/3/2014 20:25 - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

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By Username - 7/6/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

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By zep - 7/6/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

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By arirx12 - 25/2/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

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By VroomVroom - 4/3/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

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By jennahh - 10/7/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

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By slicero - 7/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

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By Grandson - 7/11/2013 05:52 - United States - Ontario

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

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By Fenny - 27/2/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

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By FFFFF- - 2/3/2011 17:12 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

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By DuChaillu - 27/1/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

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By El Camino - 25/11/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 10:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

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By notsosexy - 18/7/2020 08:01

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

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By Chumpee - 8/6/2016 17:17 - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

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By HotToTrotskyite - 8/9/2009 17:30 - Russian Federation

Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 12:40 - Australia

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

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By mskawaiibat - 29/6/2013 10:01 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

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By new dog - 14/9/2014 03:38 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

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By dragonstooth257 - 3/2/2019 12:00

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. Ihe first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

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By anon_1996 - 8/5/2013 16:59 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

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By prickly - 11/10/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

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By Caroline1812 - 24/4/2015 23:58 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

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By Thatguynoonelikes - 29/9/2015 13:21 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

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By RazorBumps - 16/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

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By costcocondoms - 23/7/2009 05:23 - Mexico

Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

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By Cait - 30/1/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

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By squirt - 5/7/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

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By YouWish - 25/8/2016 03:57 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, on my way to work, I was checking my hair in the semi-reflective window of an office building. I suddenly realized that the guy I had a one-night stand with last week was standing on the other side, looking confused. He now genuinely believes that I am stalking him. FML

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By megan228 - 20/3/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

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By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 09:59 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

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By "baow" - 17/3/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

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By ThatCery - 16/1/2010 16:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

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Top comments

By ThePaperDragon | 31

#6697046 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:17

Well, that went from bad to worse fairly quickly.

By Idontevenknowwhattoput | 4

#6697049 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:18

"Oh my gosh guys I'm so sorry about that! Someone must have hacked my facebook!!! Don't worry though, I changed all of my passwords so it shouldn't happen again. Man, hackers these days..."

COMMENTS

By ThePaperDragon | 31

#6697046 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:17

Well, that went from bad to worse fairly quickly.

By UltimateGamerQ8 | 11

#6697048 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:18

Can't you take the post down before anyone sees it?

catlady4eva | 9

#6697076 - Friday 30 September 2016 12:30

He can't guarantee that no one has seen it though. He also said he saw it later which is enough time to have had someone see it I would imagine

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#6697264 - Friday 30 September 2016 20:06

#10: OP is a woman.

TelephoneChoir | 10

#6697332 - Friday 30 September 2016 23:17

Something similar happened to me. I deleted the post immediately and no more than two minutes later my mom stormed into my room, having received a particularly odd text from my dear old grandmother.

italiano234 | 7

#6697487 - Saturday 1 October 2016 5:00

if someone has you on close friends, they can still press the notification and see the deleted content. they just can't like or comment on it.

NomeDMF | 17

#6697509 - Saturday 1 October 2016 5:32

Family snitches are the best, huh?

By Idontevenknowwhattoput | 4

#6697049 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:18

"Oh my gosh guys I'm so sorry about that! Someone must have hacked my facebook!!! Don't worry though, I changed all of my passwords so it shouldn't happen again. Man, hackers these days..."

By PrototypeXD | 5

#6697053 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:24

Why do porn sites even have a share feature on them? There is no one I know that goes
Yes I would love to share with my friends and family that I watch "hot collage girls fucking compilation 4"

Miss_Whipped | 42

#6697063 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:44

"Hot Collage Girls" sounds like a wonderful art piece. Definitely something I'd share on Facebook.

gracehi | 31

#6697065 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:52

Let's share, "Sexy Paper Mache Girls" next. :)

Catdragon | 40

#6697136 - Friday 30 September 2016 15:30

I've shared porn with my friends and family..... it's mostly just the really weird ones to troll them

confused_wandere | 26

#6697240 - Friday 30 September 2016 19:35

You've sent porn to your family? That's incredibly strange.

By qteabutt | 12

#6697061 - Friday 30 September 2016 11:38

Theres a faint grey arrow to the top right of the content or status, click on it and you should have the option to delete it. Until then just claim you were hacked if anyone asks.

Shade1982 | 20

#6697279 - Friday 30 September 2016 20:52

Yeah, everybody already tries that and somehow it never works... Would you believe that excuse?

qteabutt | 12

#6697302 - Friday 30 September 2016 21:50

It usually works for anyone who isn't very familiar with the internet, though of course anyone who uses social media on a daily bases knows what's up. And no, but who am I to judge on what a guy jerks off to.

By Bogrbon | 19

#6697068 - Friday 30 September 2016 12:13

Alt-f4 is your friend. It's more subtle and faster.

DragonicPlague | 9

#6697227 - Friday 30 September 2016 19:10

Ctrl+W works too

AshesNicole623 | 17

#6697259 - Friday 30 September 2016 20:00

ctrl+t also works

SpartanMerc | 18

#6698733 - Monday 3 October 2016 21:08

Or open a page that is suitable (since having a blank desktop is suspicious) and just Alt-Tab to it to avoid someone catching you. When they leave, Alt-Tab back...