Work: Today, I was happy to finally receive an email from my younger... - FML

By HeyArnold91 - 14/09/2012 05:57 - United States - Apo

Today, I was happy to finally receive an email from my younger sister, whom I have not been able to talk to for months due to being in the military stationed overseas. The email was to tell me my mom is in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 1 753

HeyArnold91 tells us more.

Send a private message

Saturday 15 September 2012 4:09

Theft of property

Late term

Taking stock

Broken heart

By Were do we go... - 15/04/2012 04:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 6 005

Excuse you?

By done - 07/08/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 169

You deserved it 181

Memory low

By emma - 24/12/2020 05:02

Today, while my mom was explaining the house rules surrounding the towels, I took out a notepad and began taking notes. She snatched it away and threw it across the room. I need the notes or else I’ll forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 860

You deserved it 1 251

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 02:01 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out my roommate was exposed to COVID back on New Year's. She tested positive on the 4th and was scared too tell me because she, "didn't want me to see her as irresponsible." Now I can't work for 2 weeks and need to find a place to stay because my roommate still doesn't think it's "that serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 152

By f*ck - 02/05/2012 16:22 - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 282

You deserved it 97 864

By Sally - 24/07/2009 09:04 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 902

You deserved it 4 734

By fuckdubstep51 - 21/07/2012 22:49 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 573

You deserved it 1 770

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 186

You deserved it 13 965

By Anonymous - 18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 637

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

By Scoopie - 15/03/2017 14:00

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 195

You deserved it 329

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 472

You deserved it 19 249

By just hangin - 17/01/2017 12:00

Today, as I was pulling wire for an addition to my boss's house, I was on a ladder drilling a hole when my coworker kicked the ladder out from under me and left me hanging from a rafter twenty feet in the air. To make matters worse, I had to pee. I'm now in my car with dead arms and wet pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 851

You deserved it 504

But my babiiiiiiies!

By fmylifeee - 27/09/2019 04:00

Today, my wife and I invited my boss over for dinner, specifically warning her not to bring her children due to our house not being childproof. She surprised us by walking in with her toddlers. They both shat on our carpets, then my dog knocked them into a wall. I guess I'll start looking for another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 188

By whiskey'swino - 09/06/2019 14:19

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 234

By mommymo - 16/09/2010 10:59 - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 100

You deserved it 4 386

By cande - 01/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 835

You deserved it 2 498

By Iamdisappointed - 24/07/2013 11:50 - Sweden - Ludvika

Spicy

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 695

You deserved it 5 944

By Disgruntled - 16/03/2016 12:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 019

You deserved it 1 271

No free lunch

By ParkingGuy - 15/08/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant, I decided to be nice and give a woman free parking. I said, "Give me a high five and I'll give you free parking, since I already did the paperwork." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 487

You deserved it 8 510

By benander - 15/09/2009 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 825

You deserved it 4 089

By horsefuck - 07/08/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 434

You deserved it 6 829

By theropod - 15/11/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 2 046

Christmas Racket

By Dave - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 979

You deserved it 4 605

By civicman - 27/09/2009 02:19 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 644

You deserved it 66 040

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 106

By jlmbull - 29/07/2015 03:04 - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 022

You deserved it 1 850

Snow day

By Charlie8u347 - 29/12/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 257

You deserved it 6 034

By drunkinriot - 03/07/2011 23:04 - United States

Today, my drunk brother thought I could withstand a metal chair being slammed across my back like on the wrestling shows. I guess he didn't know that the shows are fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 198

You deserved it 3 043

By wrestling probs - 26/05/2015 02:24 - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 1 988

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 021

You deserved it 2 852

By Aled - 17/02/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 764

You deserved it 3 312

It's just a prank, bro!

By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - 21/10/2012 23:00 - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 495

You deserved it 2 393

By misspriss - 17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 2 812

By ElaborateScheme - 14/08/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 675

You deserved it 1 121

By notsohappyniece - 02/11/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 830

You deserved it 3 757

By wowdadreally - 23/12/2014 20:46 - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 651

You deserved it 6 448

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 067

You deserved it 3 621

By black hoodie - 19/05/2013 23:07 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 089

You deserved it 5 950

By dadoftheyear - 07/05/2015 03:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 981

You deserved it 5 683

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

perdix 29

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:38

Your sister should have been writing you regularly! Nothing cheers up a hero serving his or her country overseas than regular reports of your mom's criminal activities before the inevitable arrest. Thanks for your service :)

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 14:13

Your correct usage of "whom" brought a tear to my eye. Well done indeed! My faith in humanity is not even remotely restored, but at least I have some hope.

Comments

CantusVulpis 12

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:17

Awwww! D:

TheTwistedOtaku 16

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 13:09

1, is that all you could come up with? Sorry OP but your sister sounds like a jerk, don't let it get to you I'm sure in good time you guys will be close again.

ohmandapants 16

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 18:33

16- it was all she could come up with in time to be the first comment.

CantusVulpis 12

Send a private message

Saturday 15 September 2012 18:12

Actually, this was originally a comment for something else, and for some reason it post here... Sorry. :/ Wish I could have edited it in time.

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:18

Wow I'm sorry, that just sucks.

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 15:12

This is why we welcome our alien overlords.

heygirlie777 21

Send a private message

Saturday 15 September 2012 0:33

14-no matter how horrible the FML is, there will always be trolls telling them they deserved it.

Send a private message

Saturday 15 September 2012 3:04

very very truee :P

iCake 13

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:19

Sorry to hear that:/

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:20

I'm sorry about that :/ why is she in jail?

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:28

Why do people ask questions like this about FMLs?

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:40

Because 6, OP can comment on fml's they have posted and tell us.

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 15:03

I've never seen a reply from an OP on an FML, but now I know I suppose.

BeforeItWasCool 12

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 15:09

24- there are quite a few if you look for them.

Send a private message

Saturday 15 September 2012 4:05

Theft of property

Send a private message

Sunday 16 September 2012 5:00

What'd she steal?

SandiRainbowFish 20

Send a private message

Saturday 22 September 2012 21:43

Hey look 24- there's an OP's response!

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:28

Probably isn't the best news to hear... I don't envy you OP :/ I hope that everything works out

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:28

Well, that sounds like something you'd want to hear. :+(

daydreamer244 13

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:37

At least you received an email.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 12:38

Your sister should have been writing you regularly! Nothing cheers up a hero serving his or her country overseas than regular reports of your mom's criminal activities before the inevitable arrest. Thanks for your service :)

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 13:06

Sorry to hear OP :( thank you for fighting for us though

bestnameright 14

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2012 13:33

Must've made you feel jailed being over seas at that time!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 274