Transportation: Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I... - FML

By nextstopplz - New Zealand

Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML

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nextstopplz tells us more :

haha wow there are some a*holes out there. actually I have very good vision and i am not intellectually stupid thanks... i was in a moving bus and it wasnt a garbage CAN.... i dont think people come in that shape, but a big bag of garbage that had split and stuff had come out and around the bag.. yeah. maybe next time this happens it will be one of the a*holes that commented on this lying in the gutter and i will remain silent. HAHA!

Instadrama

Poisoned chalice

Insane parents

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

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By littlegirl - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML

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By gnofin - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

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By Malakai - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

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By jazthefish - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

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By Username

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

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By Craptastic

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - London

Paranoia

Today, I asked a girl to move from Tinder to WhatsApp, after 3 weeks of nice chat. She said no way, and that I just wanted nudes and then unmatched. The only intention I had was getting to know her and asking her on a date. FML

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By Ineverknew - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

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By Little Miss Fucket - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

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By Jess - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

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By how - United States - Crozier

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

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By SilkySmooth

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

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By pablito - France - Bron

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

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By bitter cherry - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been put on it. The doctor told me the only way to fix it was to have me circumcised. My mum laughed, then asked him if he had a magnifying lens to do it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2020 08:02 - New Zealand

Great gift idea!

Today, it was my birthday and my first present was finding out that my girlfriend of five years has been cheating on me. FML

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By seablue - United States

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

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By stupid useless criminal

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

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By mallyboo - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I discovered that you should always check the litter box before vacuuming stray litter outside of it after my cat burst out from the box mid-piss and skittered around the house still pissing after I put the vacuum hose behind the box. FML

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By gircos - United States - Westerly

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

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By Chloe - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

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By nograd4mee - Germany

Today, I held a presentation about my masters thesis. Turns out, my professor never ever actually read the drafts I'd given him, but decided to rip me to pieces in front of everyone, saying that the topic isn't worth researching. I've been working on it for six months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sebastian

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

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By Broke Bitch - United States - Albertville

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

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By DEE

Out of the mouth of babes...

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

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By DED - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that a co-worker has been promoted to Store Manager. She has been here for less than 6 months, and I have been with the company for 10 years. Guess who has been training her for the last 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

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By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to break up with me. Immediately after we hung up, I started crying hysterically. I thought I dialed my best friend, and as soon as the line picked up, I yelled, "That motherfucker broke up with me!" My now ex-boyfriend replied, "Yeah, I know I did." FML

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By itstillhurts - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

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By andthatshowitgoes - United States

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

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By natty - United States

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

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By FakeID - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

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Top comments

By Zerenade | 0

#89963 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:05

lol, how the hell did you mistake some garbage for a person?

By amelinat | 0

#89979 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:11

Good for you for being concerned though - many many people would totally ignore a gutter person.

COMMENTS

By Zerenade | 0

#89963 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:05

lol, how the hell did you mistake some garbage for a person?

Reply

sempisaviour | 17

#6109948 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 2:29

Either OP's extremely near sighted, or there's the chance that someone could be facing a different direction. It's not that hard.

By maxson_fml | 0

#89974 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:09

Didn't an FML just get posted yesterday about someone who knocked over a garbage can and mistook it for a kid?

Reply

baby610 | 4

#2398039 - Sunday 24 April 2011 15:31

what's your point?

By amelinat | 0

#89979 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:11

Good for you for being concerned though - many many people would totally ignore a gutter person.

Reply

yehr | 0

#696363 - Monday 30 November 2009 10:31

LMAO!!!! yeah totally hillarious but good on you for caring!! I would have too :D

By zap_fml | 0

#89985 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:13

#2, yeah it did. I'm losing count of the stories that seem to be similar to other ones.

By Sue21 | 0

#89990 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:14

Well done!

By somedouche | 0

#89992 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:14

#2, agreed.

By nomadxx7 | 0

#90003 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:17

How many of these posters are on hard drugs? Geez everyone said this was done a little while ago. Best thing is to make sure it's a person so you don't look like an ass and get embarassed from the outcome... YDI

By 56578 | 0

#90004 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:17

nice thought?

By Stupidpeople | 0

#90011 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:19

Mistaking garbage for people is an easy mistakes to make.......I know lots of rubbish people!!

By jSOPURE | 3

#90017 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 16:21

It's the thought that counts.

:)