Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While...

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

By Alan - 18/11/2016 11:17

S-Kro's illustrated FML #35

Hi everyone! It's Friday, time for another illustrated FML. Yes, it's been a while, but we've been working on stuff that...

Favorite

By Heather / Sunday 31 May 2009 17:38 / United States

Holidays

The end of the road

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

By brown and sticky - 16/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Food poisoning

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2424

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By AndieApocalypse - 3/6/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30900

You deserved it

6346

Favorite

By ihateteenagers - 30/12/2011 02:12 - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50408

You deserved it

10018

Favorite

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 18/9/2018 13:30

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2457

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 00:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47643

You deserved it

5282

Favorite

By hotelbound - 21/5/2013 00:37 - United States - Florissant

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46244

You deserved it

2962

Favorite

By R - 28/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15588

You deserved it

61405

Favorite

By Massasam - 11/10/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10732

You deserved it

41798

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/6/2016 12:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

I agree, your life sucks

14465

You deserved it

2119

Favorite

By Liz - 9/6/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14158

You deserved it

42439

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 02:21 - Australia

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34558

You deserved it

4203

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 20:22 - United States - Newark

Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21977

You deserved it

1697

Favorite

By internetloser - 16/8/2017 16:15 - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used the adult swim "we should see other people" commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3475

You deserved it

271

Favorite

By charliemann_ - 12/9/2011 14:28 - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31578

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42845

You deserved it

3665

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2011 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35801

You deserved it

7681

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49786

You deserved it

14540

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 08:01

Sliced and diced

Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1902

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29184

You deserved it

3289

Favorite

By fuck you walmart - 26/4/2013 22:03 - United States

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51107

You deserved it

3400

Favorite

By miss tomato - 8/6/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24409

You deserved it

5637

Favorite

By Imretarded - 24/5/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68803

You deserved it

13520

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 06:01

Boundaries, dude!

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2288

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/8/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42211

You deserved it

3868

Favorite

By broooooock - 16/7/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79480

You deserved it

13353

Favorite

By VibeCheck - 10/3/2020 07:57

Hangover blues

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks

526

You deserved it

1685

Favorite

By headache - 23/2/2015 01:41 - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35477

You deserved it

5183

Favorite

By friedchicken - 12/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, I was following my friend to her house in my car, because I didn't know where it was. I'd been following her for at least an hour when she pulled into a gas station. Turns out I'd been following the wrong car. I have no idea where I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32722

You deserved it

10601

Favorite

By sickness and health my sphincter - 22/3/2013 21:53 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39256

You deserved it

3024

Favorite

By Nazi-chef - 24/2/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

No mash for you!

Today, I was making mashed potatoes in a hurry, I had the pot boiling on high when I had to rush to the bathroom. As I'm walking away, I ask my boyfriend to watch the potatoes. When I returned, they were no longer boiling and he proudly announced he added cold water because they looked a little dry. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks

5759

You deserved it

636

Favorite

By sigh - 21/12/2011 12:39 - United States

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34981

You deserved it

3090

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 00:01

Ivory pissed, too

Today, it was my 14-year anniversary. I'd spent weeks picking out a new gold wedding band for my husband. What did he get me? Nothing. Not even a happy anniversary text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1637

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Sarah - 7/5/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58742

You deserved it

3021

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/6/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27861

You deserved it

4478

Favorite

By ip7 - 31/3/2015 19:24 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16918

You deserved it

21008

Favorite

By motherlylove - 8/7/2018 15:00

Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years old and has been married to me for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4342

You deserved it

262

Favorite

By Mary - 21/10/2019 22:00 - United States

He's trying to kill you!

Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1745

You deserved it

195

Favorite

By wishbone - 14/4/2009 20:41 - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60569

You deserved it

5624

Favorite

By caitplaysguitar - 9/2/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31146

You deserved it

6490

Favorite

By chipmunk - 29/10/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39586

You deserved it

7640

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nakedsquirrel | 5

#249192 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:02

Did you make your friend pee on you again? Did you stare at his/her genitals while they peed? Did a lot of pee get on an area that wasn't stung?

It's this sort of information that leaves me unable to choose between FML/YDI.

By laurisshnazzy | 0

#249177 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

Haha. I got stung by a jellyfish a few years ago.. no piss necessary. A few painkillers, one ointment cream, and two hours laying down with my leg elevated sent the pain away.

Sucks to be you.

COMMENTS

By catacombhome | 0

#249140 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:54

You blew it.

poezpoee | 0

#948338 - Monday 15 March 2010 3:49

rub the sting with sand it will get the bristles from the stinger out

azhein | 0

#1206840 - Sunday 8 August 2010 7:55

I have been stung by a jellyfish and didn't hurt no where near enough for me to let someone pee on me

LoganBballin16 | 0

#1380513 - Friday 10 September 2010 6:21

and ur a girl so was it a guy or a girl who pissed on u?

ahkit | 0

#2723696 - Monday 20 June 2011 18:04

big timr

By nessa69_fml | 0

#249154 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:56

YDI hahaha

By SimplyCydney | 0

#249155 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:56

Heh, that sucks.

Atmaster | 3

#968980 - Saturday 27 March 2010 5:26

it does suck but something almost the same happened to my sister

By mohomonopoly | 0

#249160 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:57

oh my goodness!!
that awful thing is, peeing on jellyfish stings is useless!!!
get better!!

By SasuNaru_fml | 0

#249164 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:57

That sucks. D:

By fmlAllStar7274 | 0

#249167 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:57

hahahhahahaha the irony.....

gomego87 | 0

#803981 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:32

lmfao.

By eggnogg | 0

#249168 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:58

loser

By laurisshnazzy | 0

#249177 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

Haha. I got stung by a jellyfish a few years ago.. no piss necessary. A few painkillers, one ointment cream, and two hours laying down with my leg elevated sent the pain away.

Sucks to be you.

By jdkfgkjdfb | 0

#249178 - Monday 1 June 2009 0:59

It's called wet sand. Wet sand is good for jellyfish stings. Not pee.

By F_M_L_y0 | 0

#249189 - Monday 1 June 2009 1:01

Peeing on a jellyfish sting doesn't do anything, so nice one.