Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML
Today, my roommate is super comfortable around me. Comfortable enough to masturbate while we are in the same room. I asked him to stop, which took some self-control because I wanted to shout at him. He said he needs to do it because of his shin splints. Whatever. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
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Top comments
Suchagoonnn 4
Join him
RodzillaX 30
Now is the time to go ********** in their bed.
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Comments (96)
BVBarmy_girl 22
Did you walk in on him or was there a little something on your sheets?c;
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
If possible lock your bedroom door? If not just trash something of his each time he does it. It's beyond rude that he does that in your bed :/ FYL
karlcolt45 19
tell him to use them skills to pay the bills..sperm donation is the easiest ways to palm a few bucks
kaet 21
Can't help picturing the moment of realization for this particular FML... it's gotta be either a horrifying and awkward encounter or one of those black lights they use on hotel bedrooms
htownpostman 16
I'd say tell him to beat it, but according to the post he already does
Bakarra 22
OPs roommate sounds like a real jerkoff
KyraJFoxx 14
What if OPs roommate is naturally turned on by him but is scared to 'come clean' about it so settles for masturbation in OPs bed...that would simply suck. sorry OP
timelessone 16
I think it would be funny if the roommate was listening to Michael Jackson's "beat it" at the same time.
CommonSenseKarma 17
Does no one understand what "roommate" means? Holy shit, he can't lock his roommate out of their room, it's both of theirs.
rockbandaddict85 22
though it is true that roommate can mean same room dwelling but its more commonly known as living with someone unrelated, sharing rent, seperate rooms for each person/couple.
Senseless_487 29
In the very literal sense, that's what it means. But in more common terms, it's usually people who live in the same house, and split the bills.
gracehi 33
Where are you from, 22? It's ironic that you scold others for not understanding the meaning of a term you don't understand.
LoveLamp 13
"Roommate" is a combination of two words. The words being "room" and "mate." When combined to form the word "roommate" it means that the person, or mate, lives in the same room. Evidently this vocabulary lesson was needed...
whY402Jay 12
More that the word mate is being closer to that of one who practices in sexual activities in this case... at least the desire to do so is there.
01Ben21 10
Sounds like someone needs a lesson in privacy!