Animals: Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep....

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 63

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Top comments

PityFool 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 20:02

I'm impressed! I've not gotten that far yet.

LordJilly 0

Thursday 6 August 2009 20:03

Your boyfriend sounds awesome!

Comments

kelsswan 0

Wednesday 13 June 2012 3:33

He should try cups of water and plates of food, that's what my friend and I used to do to our other friend when he fell asleep

Lipbalm80 3

Wednesday 11 July 2012 0:34

That freaking hilarious!Your boyfriend is a keeper

mowmowlife 21

Monday 16 July 2012 0:26

You must sleep pretty hard. Ever wondered what else he could be getting away with?

dinosaurninjaXD 3

Sunday 5 August 2012 7:39

Thats not really an fml story. It's not that bad

juicydeerclit 0

Friday 25 January 2013 8:58

Thats just plain awesome.

nekofrau 7

Saturday 24 August 2013 23:22

He's awesome

esserskat 12

Saturday 2 November 2013 10:37

LAUGHING my as off!!!!!:)

pete9913 23

Sunday 16 February 2014 22:32

I couldn't vote on this because she doesn't deserve it but I don't see why she says FML either. This is just hilarious.

cwl727 32

Wednesday 26 March 2014 20:46

You have an awesome boyfriend.

ElSal 6

Friday 11 July 2014 10:30

Impressive

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The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions." Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 370

You deserved it 9 479

Today, I'm incredibly supportive and positively motivating my sister-in-law, bringing her out of post-partum depression. Why? Because her husband (my brother-in-law) forced me into depression to the point of multiple life ending attempts when I was in a similar situation. I'm good to all, except myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 67

Random

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 013

You deserved it 3 578

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 791

You deserved it 46 367

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 570

You deserved it 82 977

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 940

You deserved it 3 185

Today, one of the human-shaped piles of shit my restaurant serves found a hair in her food. Normally, these fuckwits piss and moan and demand free food, but this sack of filth turned out to be such a drama queen that she puked all over the table and cried so hard she needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 507

Today, at the store, I went to the self checkout then dumbly tried to activate the touchscreen, without touching it. I stood there wondering why it wasn't turning on before realizing I hadn't touched the thing to turn it on, like I was going to get shocked by the screen or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 242