Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment... - FML

By anew27 - 7/6/2013 05:48 - United States

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

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anew27 tells us more :

OP here, if it was Ted Nugent I was partaking of, I would kindly ask her to turn it up.

Proactive

Dangling modifier

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By BahHumbug - 27/12/2016 05:18 - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

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By earplugsplease - 16/5/2013 16:16 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

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By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

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By bradyman - 29/12/2010 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

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By Morgan - 3/2/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2014 03:50 - United States - La Grange

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

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By RustyBulletHole - 4/2/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

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By sharon - 14/12/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

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By Clueless - 21/4/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

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By nicknick2 - 18/5/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

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By Jenna - 30/6/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

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By melmel - 5/5/2014 05:07 - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By girlgirlinsanity - 25/7/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

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By can't eat paper - 11/5/2014 01:34 - United States

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

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By Kylee Day - 27/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

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By Bonngoo - 17/11/2016 18:17 - United States

Today, at school, we were supposed to say something that we are thankful for. When I was about to speak, one of the girls at my table said, "It's okay, you can say PornHub." FML

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By Embarrassed - 7/8/2012 07:48 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

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By satanlovesme - 30/5/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

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By Alex - 15/7/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2011 10:26 - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By hannahg - 24/3/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

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By justanidiot - 20/9/2020 22:01 - United States - Macon

Vibe check

Today, I've been getting weird vibes from my boyfriend of over a year and half, so I made a fake Tinder account. Guess who my first match was? My now ex-boyfriend. FML

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By preggo - 4/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

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By JJ - 21/3/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

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By TowelSmellsNice - 16/4/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

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By runsinthefamily - 4/10/2014 16:31 - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

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By "belladonna1025" - 29/12/2018 00:00

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

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By dwaggle - 2/7/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2013 22:33 - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 17:57 - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 09:50 - United States - Southerly North Slope Bo

Today, I tried proving to my best friend that I wasn't a lesbian by telling her I once liked her brother. She was mad because I never told her and now she's calling him. FML

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By JJ - 14/11/2009 03:07 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

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By almyric - 2/10/2019 12:02

Headshot!

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

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By wifelyduties - 17/4/2020 14:00

Do ya think I'm sexy?

Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML

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By jamienicole1993 - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Savannah

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

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By mcmanager - 11/8/2014 14:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

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By sad - 5/11/2012 07:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

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By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#5524898 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:15

Lonely? They have all those mice, birds and chipmunks to play with!

Why did the old lady leave? Did she have a 20-minute one-sided argument with the cat and decide to leave for an extended time?

By mpj13 | 8

#5524900 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:16

Was it cat scratch fever playing?

COMMENTS

By Catkam623 | 27

#5524890 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5524905 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:19

*vicious

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5524919 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:23

Pressure of being one of the first comments what can I say:(

Reply

fishstick557 | 14

#5524946 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:41

Well it is illegal to break into someone's house and I doubt OP was going to

Reply

fareith | 15

#5525014 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:35

I would have gone in and lowered it at least. It is ridiculously easy to pick the locks in most apartments.

Reply

xx000o | 27

#5525057 - Friday 7 June 2013 18:16

Don't say anything.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5525140 - Friday 7 June 2013 19:38

You can always ask the apartment superintendent to go in and turn off the music. Or call the cops. There are noise ordinances.

By perdix | 29

#5524898 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:15

Lonely? They have all those mice, birds and chipmunks to play with!

Why did the old lady leave? Did she have a 20-minute one-sided argument with the cat and decide to leave for an extended time?

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5524981 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:11

No, it was mortal kombat. The gram left the 20 cats alone to fight. The last cat alive wins grannys love.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5524984 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:12

made a comment but dont know how to delete it so Hi.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5524989 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:16

Granny was playing mortal kombat. Why? so the 20 cats could fight and the last one meowing gets granny's love.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5524994 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:18

FML you have 2min to edit. Forgive my multiple comments.

Reply

fareith | 15

#5525017 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:37

Don't worry, the more comments you make, the more chances we get to thumb you down.

By mpj13 | 8

#5524900 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:16

Was it cat scratch fever playing?

Reply

anew27 | 5

#5525193 - Friday 7 June 2013 20:28

OP here, if it was Ted Nugent I was partaking of, I would kindly ask her to turn it up.

Reply

chabelo | 10

#5525241 - Friday 7 June 2013 21:27

dude seriously how does she knows that her cats like music?

Reply

mr_sarcastic416 | 29

#5527011 - Sunday 9 June 2013 10:27

an old lady that put loud drumming music on?

By Bloodjoker | 11

#5524901 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:17

Because everyone knows how much cats love drum music. Cats dream of one day becoming the great drummers of their ancestors. To one day hold those sticks on their furry feline hands and ROCK!. .. . ahem sorry the gods of rock were speaking through me

By nVALKry | 10

#5524906 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:19

What can you say? Your neighbour's a crazy cat lady.

By Zeke10 | 12

#5524910 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:20

Atleast it's not Justin Bieber...

Reply

mikeymayhem_87 | 15

#5525239 - Friday 7 June 2013 21:27

If it was Beiber playing... I think that would justify breaking and entering to be legal for the safety and well being of the community.

Reply

deepunder | 17

#5528250 - Monday 10 June 2013 8:54

Then it would be time to burn, burn, burn, that house down in a ring of fire, after getting the cats out by breaking and entering.

Reply

CaptMacLeod | 45

#6522132 - Thursday 28 January 2016 10:07

Yeah. You should burn the apartment directly below yours. That'll teach her!

By AnthonyWheeler15 | 24

#5524917 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:22

Cute...I think.

By kimg0885 | 23

#5524921 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:23

I don't know if the electrical breaker box is accessible to you but if it is just flip it off that should solve your problem.

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#5525021 - Friday 7 June 2013 17:40

If OP does so, I hope there's nothing in the fridge/freezer if it's on the same circuit.

Reply

ChibiChibi_fml | 27

#5525037 - Friday 7 June 2013 18:01

Or God forbid an electric cat feeder be what's keeping the cat eating day to day.

Reply

kimg0885 | 23

#5525240 - Friday 7 June 2013 21:27

I didn't say it was the nicest thing to do but it'll work at least.

By Catkam623 | 27

#5524922 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:24

Stop being such a pussy and get in there.

Reply

Prolux_fml | 23

#5524927 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:27

Any idea how OP would get into a stranger's apartment?

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5524929 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:29

A small window of opportunity?

By buckeyed | 20

#5524930 - Friday 7 June 2013 16:29

Guess it's time to break and enter.