Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party.... - FML

By emkatch - 21/7/2009 19:47 - Canada

Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I quickly and quietly left and went back to the party. I guess my parents decided to have a little party as well. It's called a threesome with my neighbor. They still don't know that I know. FML

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Family values

Trip Advisor says no

Risky business

By WhatsThatSmell - 25/2/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

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By TheCrossingChick - 30/11/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

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By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

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By fartypeepee - 18/7/2009 10:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

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By awesome - 11/4/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

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By chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

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By peevedemployee - 25/12/2013 06:38 - United States

Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

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By steve-o - 14/2/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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By lonelyloser - 4/2/2013 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

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By awesome - 21/9/2010 04:49 - United States

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2012 16:46 - Ireland - Bagenalstown

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2012 12:29 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

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By FlorenceD - 12/8/2012 04:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

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By Vincent - 2/1/2014 05:04 - United States - Overland Park

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

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By Imretarded - 24/5/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

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By Reek - 22/6/2016 14:29 - United States

Today, I told my friend I'm going vegetarian. He's now calling me "Reek" after the guy from Game of Thrones, because I'm apparently a "dickless loser" now. FML

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By Maddy - 10/3/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

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By Ipickthegoodones - 26/6/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

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By Ash - 27/5/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2013 16:38 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

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By Anna - 11/10/2019 06:00

Great, some ice cream!

Today, after three years of working at my current occupation, they decided to give me a bonus for all of my hard work and effort. A 5$ gift card to Cold Stone. FML

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By notahomewrecker - 9/1/2010 16:07 - United States

Today, I got a call from the guy I'd been seeing for a few weeks. It was his wife calling to find out what was going on with us. He told me he was separated. He left his kids home alone to hook up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 00:01

Big Little Lies

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

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By Hunter cat - 2/11/2018 13:30

Today, when I got back to my bedroom, I found my cat had left not one, not two, but four dead lizards for me. FML

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By now afraid... - 3/4/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

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By Iwasjustmovingout - 5/5/2019 00:00

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2014 19:23 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, the girl I've been dating dumped me after she found out I'm originally from Alabama. Apparently she doesn't want to date someone from a "foreign country". We both live in Michigan. FML

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By thanks babe - 6/10/2014 23:47 - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

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By fml_seriouslyfml - 7/6/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

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By rozsrredd - 8/7/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

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By so bored -__- - 25/2/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

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By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

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By socknotes - 9/3/2016 04:02 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a shifty customer came in to my store and was hanging around for about 30 minutes. Apparently, he took that time to put religiously-motivated anti-abortion notes into each and every pair of socks. In the following hours, I had 17 angry returns and was personally threatened twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2020 04:02 - Australia - Lakes Entrance

Work sucks, I know

Today, I returned to work after a week off due to severe food poisoning, after which I ended up in the ED. I was given a warning for causing an inconvenience to everyone, and next time I'm going to be sick, I should give 3 days notice. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

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By brokenkneechick - 7/2/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

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By Allen - 5/1/2010 06:40 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got half way to the airport and realized I forgot my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then my pocket vibrated. FML

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Top comments

By kirbyfan23 | 0

#417485 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:43

Shoulda stayed at the party. LOL FYL, man. kinky, though.

By videogamejunkie | 0

#417508 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:48

Those were YOUR parents?

COMMENTS

By kirbyfan23 | 0

#417485 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:43

Shoulda stayed at the party. LOL FYL, man. kinky, though.

Reply

animaniatico | 0

#417850 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:43

i think its a woman fom the fml?

Reply

hecuva | 0

#417882 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:58

or joined in on this party ;)

Reply

gregthestrange | 3

#418021 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:10

pics or it didn't happen

Reply

meme3 | 0

#418062 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:23

Giggity giggity goo.

Reply

kg1990 | 0

#419282 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 20:18

agreed

Reply

hama806 | 19

#4807076 - Monday 13 August 2012 6:55

Some things can not be unseen. Poor OP.

Reply

hama806 | 19

#4807079 - Monday 13 August 2012 6:57

Just gross!

Reply

ChaCerCam | 14

#6029179 - Wednesday 6 August 2014 7:27

#108 I saw my 84 year old grandma naked, I no longer remember it.

By bluedoll | 1

#417489 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:44

Oh....Next time maybe you should yell as you come up the stairs? I always call my parents to let them know I;m coming home...just so everyone has clothes on....

Reply

splitsides | 4

#418348 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 6:37

i think you missed the part where she was SNEAKING back in...

Reply

zargon | 1

#418367 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 6:45

Yeah, I think everyone missed that part, since it wasn't in the FML. In fact, the FML suggests that the parents knew she was out. Where did you get this "sneaking" from?

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#418575 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 9:14

Why do people insist on making up stuff and acting like it's written or even implied in the FML?

By thumb_r0ck3r | 0

#417504 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:47

You should have asked to join 'em (;

Reply

bgukusa00 | 0

#418609 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 9:46

some people have seriously sick parents

Reply

bryan8497 | 1

#3309521 - Monday 19 September 2011 3:27

8======D

Reply

sofaqueen_ | 14

#6001430 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 6:40

#3 you're also sick for thinking that joining them would be a great idea. FYL op

By videogamejunkie | 0

#417508 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:48

Those were YOUR parents?

Reply

zed_eh | 0

#417751 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:57

Ydi cuz you said "all of a sudden I heard a sigh"
"all of a sudden" implies that there was something unexpected and eventful.

That sentence just doesn't flow good

Reply

bexox | 0

#417807 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:26

*doesn't flow well.

What are you talking about, btw?

Reply

caticaticati | 3

#417809 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:26

#26 ...What the hell are you talking about?

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#418586 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 9:23

#26- Did you by any chance post this on the wrong FML?

Reply

zed_eh | 0

#423502 - Friday 24 July 2009 1:05

Shit wrong fml response. Dam I hate it when that happens..

Ya that was the joke

By blabbermouth26 | 0

#417517 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:50

Ew that sucks

Reply

robchfra | 5

#4597162 - Thursday 21 June 2012 23:13

Yea cause parents stop having sex immediately after the conception of the OP. Get real, parents fuck and you should be glad they do.

Reply

barakados | 11

#5916499 - Wednesday 16 April 2014 17:29

But A threesome? With the neighbor?

By Casualt1234 | 0

#417526 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:51

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has know for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

haha oh threesomes are the all rage lately..

Reply

StraightUp | 1

#417810 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:27

Exactly. This was was just posted yesterday too! Please, at least wait a reasonable about of time before ripping off another FML!

By BleedingAssassin | 0

#417558 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:58

WAT THE...
Stupid wimminz

By meanie_monday | 0

#417577 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:02

You know you wanted to watch ;)

By diet_otaku | 0

#417578 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:02

threesomes are hot.

Reply

DarksideDoll | 31

#6137570 - Sunday 7 December 2014 7:09

Not ones that involve your parents.

By venom117 | 0

#417601 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:07

lmfao #6