Miscellaneous: Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so...

By justmyluck? - 18/02/2011 03:02

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 090

You deserved it 7 782

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Same thing different taste

By maximus - 20/01/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 242

You deserved it 31 239

Choked

By embarrassing - 15/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 155

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 600

You deserved it 56 761

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 679

You deserved it 25 635

Show off

By a stupid jackass - 22/06/2012 01:28 - United States - New York

Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 937

You deserved it 37 544

Great idea

By dumbbb - 27/12/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 263

You deserved it 46 017

By poop - 18/05/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 623

You deserved it 19 517

By pootythe5th - 30/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 533

You deserved it 38 659

By Anon - 30/01/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 333

You deserved it 7 438

Unfortunate

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 08:01

Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 135

LowLives 9

Friday 18 February 2011 8:56

owned no but really that was mean of her

rafty4life 3

Friday 18 February 2011 8:57

Not to bad, at least you didn't get shut down right away... or punch her in the face.

Comments

Blueknite47 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 4:26

you my friend, will need some chipotle away in a few hours.

jamey618 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 6:42

smooth buddy lol

ErbodyLuvsDaLulz 4

Saturday 19 February 2011 7:05

YDI for eating at a restaurant that was previously owned by the McDonalds corporation.

autumn88_fml_fml 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 7:22

Smooth move.

kateqlysm 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 11:10

Don't be such a ***** and run away. laugh at yourself when you do something stupid. As a member of the ****** wielding club, I can safely say that chicks usually dig it when you laugh it off.

Lily_Loretta 0

Monday 25 April 2011 16:15

"She laughed, and promptly left" The girl left, not OP.

b_rad_fml 4

Saturday 11 February 2012 19:39

The op stayed, the girl left...

aleagator 10

Sunday 20 February 2011 5:01

hahaha ohhhhh my. that is just awesome.

My_Name_Sucks 2

Thursday 24 February 2011 22:58

There are around 20 posts on this site with this same theme, "Ohh, I was trying to open something but my hand slipped and I punched myself in the face." Seriously, if you're so stupid that you can manage to punch yourself in the face opening a bag of chips, then I don't blame the chick for leaving.