Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I had the day off so we agreed fun by having the "afternoon in". In bed, that is. We got in bed, clothes off, and started to touch each other when she held her gut and yelled, "Oh shit! Oh shit! I have to shit!" She did a poop that came out like a waterfall. Diarrhea ended our fun. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper, we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset, so I politely asked where the bathroom was so I could "powder my nose;" After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
Today, my husband and I were just about to have sex. The last few months have been a shitstorm of stress, personal tragedy, financial crises, and family drama. When we finally got a moment to ourselves, I was struck with a literal shitstorm in the form of agonizing diarrhea. It’s been two hours now. FML
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Top comments
Artsygirl90 14
If that's not sexy, I don't know what is.
slayertack 19
She wants the TP.
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Comments (92)
perdix 31
Maybe in the months she hasn't been frisky with you, she's eaten something that didn't agree with her. Or someone ;)
XxDevilxXGt 26
Trying to cause problems in their relationship eh?
perdix 31
#34, are you saying that I'm trying to stir up shit?
buddy51 23
Maybe she needs you to make her a ham steak!
ICastillo 25
Easy Op just don't go ass to mouth. Unless it was that explosive shit that's just a turn off right there!
perdix 31
I think you'd better change your username or God may smite your wife with a 40-year period.
Sandman366 6
Sounds like one of the softer punishments, some of them are REALLY shitty....
Porrim 9
When you gotta go; YOU ******* GO!
cheertrombonist 9
You might not wanna go for anal though..not for now...
BlackRoseAndMe11 11
Are you THAT bad?
U_GotitDude 18
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
zandalee 20
Damn! Why would she tearfully beg you for another loo roll? Tearfully? What the hell happened while you guys were getting frisky?
alphaskater09 9
Might want to change your pic. Not sure if nudity is allowed in your profile pic.
poccocurantes 7
I was kind of wondering the same thing. I was actually thinking *Comment moderated*, butt I didn't want my comment moderated.
razzledazzle21 23
She's a woman. Sometimes we get teary for no reason whatsoever.
foxtrousers 14
I'm sorry but wow, really dude? How about not being a douche. You're wife probably wasn't feeling all that hot having to call out from the bathroom for more toilet paper.
KingMomo360 13
*Your
ahabsfan 17
Just when you thought you'd finally squeeze the Charmin.