Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games... - FML

By Loser - 13/9/2016 12:10 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

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Proactive

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Time for the ER

By ClumsyKatey - 2/7/2017 22:00

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coatrack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

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By Murlocmurk - 5/12/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

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By Rev - 18/3/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

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By hannieannie - 20/11/2019 01:00

Psychopath's joke

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

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By fuck yuo - 1/9/2012 20:50 - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

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By SwingingChili - 27/10/2015 05:49

Today, to prove a point to my brother that playing the lotto isn't a sure thing. I got a $10 scratcher. Thinking I'd get nothing or maybe just another scratcher, I ended up winning a free scratcher plus $100. The second scratcher I got an additional $50. Now he's even more confident to win every time. FML

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By Mike Messenger - 5/10/2013 13:51 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

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By RayneSong - 20/11/2012 23:25 - United States - Lansing

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

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By Sherry - 11/7/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

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By SonofMnemosyne - 19/11/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

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By pregnantapparently - 10/12/2015 18:45 - United States - Durham

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

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By hopelesscollegechick - 7/5/2013 18:14 - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

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By Crispy cripple - 5/9/2018 18:30

Today, my dorm's fire alarm went off. In the rush to escape, I slipped and fell off my bunk bed, breaking my ankle in two places. Crying, I told my roommates I needed help to walk. They shrugged and left after mentioning that I would slow them down. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 03:08 - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

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By Bella - 15/1/2013 18:57 - United States - Sanford

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

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By BowlofCherries - 22/5/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

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By crawfo - 31/8/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

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By M.SHUKRI - 29/3/2015 12:54 - United States - Round Lake

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

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By MoneyMoneyMoneyMonayMONAY - 21/3/2012 20:13 - United States

Today, I found a $10 bill on the ground. I got so excited and felt like I was the richest person alive. That was, until the wind blew it out of my hand, never to be seen again. FML

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By _The__Doctor_ - 31/12/2013 22:44 - United States - Venice

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

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By WhyMe - 9/4/2017 22:00

Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor and then followed up with: "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

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By WTF - 30/10/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

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By Great - 9/4/2014 01:42 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

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By Should I stay or go? - 17/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML

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By Jessie - 22/8/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

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By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

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By - 22/1/2020 18:00

Strange noise

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

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By Powerfool - 7/4/2009 10:07 - United States

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

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By frustrated - 11/7/2013 04:52 - United States - Antioch

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

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By cheated - 8/7/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

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By movingout - 26/1/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

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By No Action Fighter - 22/8/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

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By Tasha84 - 20/11/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was asleep in my back garden and woke up when a bird landed on my hat and took a big shit right in my open mouth. FML

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By Cheese luv - 21/9/2016 16:55 - Australia - Watson

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

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By habassistant - 2/1/2013 15:49 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2013 22:33 - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

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Top comments

By Maximusmime | 20

#6697832 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:01

You need to teach him some manners.

By NYM88 | 26

#6697835 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:10

Perhaps he did not have any ill intent but was merely being truthful. Or he was just being a little arse. Either way FYL.

Comments

By Maximusmime | 20

#6697832 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:01

You need to teach him some manners.

By orangejubejube | 20

#6697833 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:02

Well, he's accurate..

By NYM88 | 26

#6697835 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:10

Perhaps he did not have any ill intent but was merely being truthful. Or he was just being a little arse. Either way FYL.

By captain_hero89 | 21

#6697836 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:25

time to play a game with him and show no mercy!

By Dave_Davington | 33

#6697837 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:30

Why are we suddenly getting FMLs from a month ago?

Reply

Kalilahshmeow | 8

#6697839 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:43

Because fuck our lives? Glad to hear it's not just me, I thought I was doing it wrong.

Reply

Dilexar | 26

#6698077 - Sunday 2 October 2016 13:16

its the foreign or international fml or whatever its called. it was posted in german a month ago, and just got translated and posted to the recent here

By mylonius | 19

#6697838 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:33

Good night

By RichardPencil | 28

#6697841 - Sunday 2 October 2016 1:44

Well, this should serve as motivation for you and your teammates to practice harder so you can win.

Or at least to bribe the umpires to "keep it close." Your boy will be more successful either way.

Reply

latenerd | 11

#6698078 - Sunday 2 October 2016 13:20

No, this should serve as motivation to sit down with his boy and talk about respect and tact. Everyone loses sometimes. Not everyone is a douche about it. Especially to his father.

By torrea | 19

#6697849 - Sunday 2 October 2016 2:52

Eww, I have an 8 year old. They can be brutal. My son asked me which dinosaurs were around when I was born. Smh

Reply

deltax | 8

#6698170 - Sunday 2 October 2016 16:55

tbh, that was probably an honest question. We don't know until we re told

By GhostFox | 33

#6697861 - Sunday 2 October 2016 3:20

That sounds like someone taught him to say that, almost.

Unless he's just one of those kids that doesn't quite yet understand that words can hurt.

Though he could also just be a brat, I suppose.

By domolovesyoshi | 33

#6697882 - Sunday 2 October 2016 4:24

That's kids for you, absolutely no filter.