Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be...

By the poor man - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

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Health

Serious times

Innocent

Business savvy

By ifaisal - Qatar

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Unhappy birthday

Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

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By PlsForget - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, after working the midnight shift at my job, I thought it would be nice to leave a sweet love note along with my boyfriend's favourite candy in his car. Upon finding it, he immediately broke up with me for "breaking into" his car. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

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By fml - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny and made a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent,"Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

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By wastedtime - 13/9/2020 10:57 - United States

Time to run

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

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By ihateeverything - United States - Granbury

Today, I dreamed that I cheated on my boyfriend. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I called him while half-asleep to tell him about it and apologize. I'm fully awake now and he doesn't believe it was really a dream. FML

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By Sad ex-wife - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, while at work, I helped my ex-husband pick out a ring for the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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By imsorrytimmy - United Kingdom

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

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By laurenasabutton - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

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By Raven - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

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By NoKeyNoCar - United States

Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML

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By Celeste - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

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By ThisGuy97 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

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By ClothMom - United States

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

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By AD240Z

Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Happy anniversary!

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

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By lamelifeguard - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By Jason the flasher

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

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By xXangelaXx - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

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By marsbar - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

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By calli - United Kingdom

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

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By kit_kat14 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

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By imscrewed - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

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By missbrit - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML

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By kohler9790 - United States

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

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By motherfuck666 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

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By queenmabby

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

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By StudMuffinette - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

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By Dead_Fox - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

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By Stacy - United States

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

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By rattness - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

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By help me - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have watched the Elmo's World episode featuring balls ten times in a row. The toddler I'm watching screams if I put on something different. His mom just said she was stuck in traffic. She should be back in about five and a half more replays. FML

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By borkbork - Canada

Everybody needs good Neighbours…

Today, I was standing on the balcony I share with the neighboring apartment. My morbidly obese neighbor didn't know I was there, and walked out with her breasts exposed. Her boyfriend then walked out and struck up a conversation with me about the fine weather we're having. FML

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By purrtygirl - United States

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

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Top comments

By IniestaRox | 21

#6403397 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:37

Breaks his arm and is not afraid to look ugly in pictures=Total Badass

By shmabe | 13

#6403398 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:37

That's pretty damn badass.

COMMENTS

By thatnakedguy | 17

#6403396 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:36

Did they get a picture?!

TheGreastest | 24

#6403399 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:38

You're joking, right?

thatnakedguy | 17

#6403417 - Sunday 6 September 2015 13:15

Well obviously

By IniestaRox | 21

#6403397 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:37

Breaks his arm and is not afraid to look ugly in pictures=Total Badass

coming back in the future | 30

#6403406 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:55

Well judging from your profile picture, you don't appear to be afraid of taking bad photos.

NeatNit | 32

#6403427 - Sunday 6 September 2015 13:44

oooooohh buuurn!!

I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6403477 - Sunday 6 September 2015 16:39

Why do you feel the need to be mean to people that have done nothing to you, #8?

Allusivness | 21

#6403529 - Sunday 6 September 2015 17:58

#8 Yet you don't post a picture of yourself?

amanda182 | 19

#6403572 - Sunday 6 September 2015 19:18

#8, you're really going to be a dick about his picture, when you don't even have any? Are you that hideous you won't even put up a damn picture? Atleast he has the balls to do that.

Thatissarcastic | 17

#6404054 - Monday 7 September 2015 7:20

Only in Australia.

By shmabe | 13

#6403398 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:37

That's pretty damn badass.

By Xandrick | 22

#6403400 - Sunday 6 September 2015 12:39

While I think karma hitting you back is rather deserved, I don't think that sort of karma would come in the form of bone breakage.
There's more FYL than YDI to this story.