Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, my mom made my favorite dessert, a pudding. For some reason, she decided to put strawberries in it. She knows I’m allergic to strawberries. She said, “Stop bitching. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it then. Problem solved.” FML
Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML
Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Today, I got stung by a hornet. I asked my mum to pass me my allergy medication, but she refused, because they were my brother's, saying "he's allergic to bees and wasps!" No mum, wrong kid. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
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Top comments
dancer4moon 8
She's rude!
breakingbad_fml 27
At least she didn't try and kill you herself. With that being said: Your mom is rude. ***Didn't see that first comment there, sorry.
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Comments (224)
Karma21 4
That's just bananas !!!
trulymickeyj 13
If my mommy said that to me I would cry...
lagoosta 4
sorry. but i find it really funny.
cmhc23 5
Sounds like my mom. I feel your pain.
peopleequalshet 10
This is actually the funniest FML I've ever read. OP's mum is great. ^.^
icepick23 12
Take the banana and ram it up her ass...she will never insult you again.
TheWingsOfIcarus 4
I know how you feel. I am allergic to fruit, vegetables, wheat, plants, eggs and alcohol. If I consume one of these foods my throat will swell up.
andiesaur 18
**** your life. Not so much because of the comment but being allergic to fruit. That sounds torturous.