Intimacy: Today, 5 years after the fact, I finally realized how dense I...

By CharlesEmersonW - 02/09/2018 02:30 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, 5 years after the fact, I finally realized how dense I am for not understanding that when she undresses in front of you and poses naked, she isn't expecting you to be a gentleman and turn around and leave the room. It's haunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 3 340

Intimacy

This Charming Man

Batman

Hiding from the drama

Wait til he Googles it

By what a fuckin idiot - 09/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend left in a rage. He went through my bathroom drawers and saw that I had Vagisil. He’s legitimately convinced that vagisil is used to treat STIs. Moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 167

Privacy

By silver bear - 15/05/2021 17:00

Today, my dad saw my cleared internet history and said, "You do know we can still track your history with your IP address, right?" I don’t ever look at porn or anything like that. I just don’t want other people knowing all my business all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 469

You deserved it 5 468

By Lauren Smith - 17/10/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 278

You deserved it 6 161

The old switcheroo

By Retake - 13/08/2021 20:01

Today, I got my precalculus final back from my teacher. I got a 17%. I told her that there had to be some mistake, because my classmate had the same answers as me and she got 100%. Not only did I accidentally admit to cheating, but our test papers had different questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 2 413

By cunting cuntface of a boss - 25/02/2014 20:42 - Australia

Today, I had to proofread a document my boss had written. When I pointed out that he spelled "college" as "collage" multiple times, he angrily accused me of trying to make him look stupid. This is the guy who constantly boasts about his "genius" IQ level to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 080

You deserved it 3 462

By Anonymous - 08/01/2012 06:23 - United States

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 574

You deserved it 2 640

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 236

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 16:28 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 980

You deserved it 48 380

Seems unlikely

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 22:01 - United States - Brookville

Today, I teasingly asked my crush why he never came to visit me in my dorm. He said that all his friends there had moved out and gotten apartments, so he had no reason to go to my dorm. Oh. I thought we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 149

You deserved it 6 113

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 14:23 - United States - Marshall

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 866

You deserved it 5 498

By Kylie - 26/01/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 969

You deserved it 28 582

By Starving Student - 17/05/2012 03:42 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 070

You deserved it 28 834

Keep schtum

By Anonymous - 12/06/2020 08:08

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 152

By Bluevayero - 12/03/2019 14:00

Today, I found out I lost a promotion intended for me because I was on planned vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 144

By Ouch - 17/03/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 221

You deserved it 3 926

Oh, hi… you

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 18:01 - United States - Exeter

Today, a girl said hi to me very enthusiastically at school, and I heard her friends laughing afterward. I was too lazy to put in my contact lenses this morning so I couldn't tell who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 597

Monday Morning Blues

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 14:00

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 134

By sally - 04/11/2018 12:00

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 342

By hannamacintosh - 28/06/2016 17:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 679

You deserved it 1 565

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 06:24 - France

Today, and ever since I was born, I've had a lazy eye. This morning my boyfriend broke up with me. He thought it was funny to state that we just weren't looking at life in the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 587

You deserved it 3 731

By Baby Bethy - 25/12/2016 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 680

You deserved it 564

RBF FML

By isabelle - 25/10/2021 01:59

Today, my mom grounded me for “giving her a dirty look.” I cannot sense or control my own facial expressions, and they almost never match my mood. I was in a good mood when said “dirty look” appeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 103

By Cherub - 03/05/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 991

You deserved it 7 792

Man whore

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 3 884

By Leashaness - 15/09/2012 11:07 - United States

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 290

You deserved it 2 743

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 982

You deserved it 3 732

By Username - 09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 794

You deserved it 3 385

By Anonymous - 03/12/2015 14:02

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 3 581

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 699

You deserved it 35 788

By willieboom - 30/05/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 598

You deserved it 3 041

By Passtheicecream - 25/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 593

Carpe Diem

By Dumped - 02/12/2021 10:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my now ex-boyfriend abruptly dumped me out of nowhere. Turns out his friend separated from her husband, and apparently, “the opportunity is too good to pass up.” We’ve been together for 5 years, and have a kid together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 167

By mikeissad - 11/08/2012 19:37 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 224

You deserved it 2 460

By kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 756

You deserved it 71 465

By Epiphany - 19/07/2012 09:01 - United States

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 3 019

By Anonymous - 18/12/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 029

You deserved it 4 816

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 1 818

By ICallBullshxt - 18/03/2017 20:00

Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 019

You deserved it 6 712

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Top comments

real life problems 26

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Sunday 2 September 2018 1:58

It took you 5 years to realize that? Are you thick

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Sunday 26 August 2018 0:40

At least you'll know what to do next time. You can finally progress in your still life art class.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Sunday 26 August 2018 0:40

At least you'll know what to do next time. You can finally progress in your still life art class.

arandomperson97 18

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Sunday 2 September 2018 1:33

... boi...

real life problems 26

Send a private message

Sunday 2 September 2018 1:58

It took you 5 years to realize that? Are you thick

Bloo2555 22

Send a private message

Sunday 2 September 2018 7:26

That was what he said, yes.

real life problems 26

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Sunday 2 September 2018 8:57

I cant read

PenguinPal3017 19

Thursday 6 September 2018 4:24

You mean "that's what -she- said".

Victoria Juan 5

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Sunday 2 September 2018 2:10

Oh honey....

xxWTFxx1981 21

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Sunday 2 September 2018 2:24

bro I messed up the same way seriously she was in lingerie but said minutes before she wasn't looking for a relationship... yeah I know duh friend with benefits i was really young..

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 2 September 2018 3:48

She didn’t leave you after the first time?

LostInTheZone11 28

Sunday 2 September 2018 6:43

What else did you need? Runway landing lights?

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Send a private message

Sunday 2 September 2018 7:09

Well OP, there is a small chance you were right. For example, I’d come home to my now exwife dressed in lingerie. But she’d have no interest in sex. Than again she did leave me for another man. Wait..... am I dense? Ah Damn it!

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

Send a private message

Sunday 2 September 2018 7:49

Ichika, is that you?

PenguinPal3017 19

Sunday 2 September 2018 8:46

One time a female friend told me that she wanted to share my bed instead of staying in the guest room. Then she said that she was cold. I went to grab more blankets. A year later she did the same thing and this time I made a move. That night was amazing.