Intimacy: Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend... - FML

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Spicy

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 3 118

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 2 949

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 984

You deserved it 1 756

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 104

You deserved it 335

By BeboKhaos - 04/08/2009 02:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 774

You deserved it 9 509

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 404

You deserved it 8 025

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 937

You deserved it 18 658

Hot revenge

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 321

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Spicy

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 133

You deserved it 8 227

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 267

You deserved it 29 218

Next

Top comments

dramaelf 37

Saturday 25 July 2015 7:16

No pressure, then.

FalloutScrolls 25

Saturday 25 July 2015 7:20

Sounds like real keeper to me. Totally not crazy. Nope. Not one bit.

Comments

K3719er 9

Monday 27 July 2015 19:50

This why you don't stick your dick in crazy fellas.

Biker187 13

Monday 27 July 2015 20:20

Good thing she didn't have a Ginsu knife to make a point.

vdh5ever 4

Tuesday 28 July 2015 7:02

What a classy lady.

Drentiful 9

Wednesday 29 July 2015 17:51

I thought Canadians were nice?! Damn!

NotASquirrel 19

Thursday 30 July 2015 3:44

Yeah saying you'll cut off a guy's balls always puts him in the mood.

Im__Batman_ 8

Saturday 1 August 2015 7:43

Nothing makes me finish faster than a good death threat!

MaterMortis 6

Saturday 1 August 2015 23:17

That's when you cum take her to a park and leave her there after breaking up with her for being a bitch

Officialy 5

Wednesday 5 August 2015 0:34

was probably her first ******* too if she thinks guys cum after 30 seconds

whatcouldgowrong 14

Tuesday 18 August 2015 8:20

Dump her dumper her now........ That is no way to experience your first *******.

anya_volkova 3

Saturday 5 September 2015 5:28

You have two options...dump her or cum your choice

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Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

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You deserved it 1 428

It's great to see you ! How was july ? Hot, sweaty, flirty ? How I miseed talking to you (and getting one or two comments if we're lucky enough). But let's not complain, a whole month welcoming artists for their second rounds who gave us brand new il...

I agree, your life sucks 9

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The Top

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 518

You deserved it 3 340

Today, after having had my cat for a year, I've began to understand why people spoil their pets: Between me and her, I want at least one of us to have the easy, comfortable life she deserves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 128

Today, I woke up at noon after barely sleeping. I've been diagnosed with sleeping disorders, so this isn't out of the ordinary. The issue is, my boyfriend doesn't think it's a big deal, and is mad at me for wanting to stay in bed after he got up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 152

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 427

You deserved it 4 848

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 407

You deserved it 41 907

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 139

You deserved it 938