Short Struggles

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML

Our house, in the middle of our street

Dangling modifier

Dementia or hate? You decide

By sadsongstress - Belgium

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22700

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

By Anony-moose - United States

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2554

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

By - France

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5948

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

By dan - United States - Laurel

25035

2158

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

By The Sbeak - United States

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45260

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Suwanee

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Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

By spandexwiener - United States - Export

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2324

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Akron

Thorough check

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23849

Today, I got yelled at by a customer while working at a bank call center. He was furious I apologized for a mistake that someone else had made. I again apologized for apologizing. FML

By apologetic - United States - Latonia

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4938

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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16577

Today, I was sitting on my balcony reading a book. My upstairs neighbors thought that would be a good time to water their flowers. I'm now drenched in water, as is my book. FML

By Nelson - Sweden

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Today, my fiancé told me that his work is more important than our family. We have 2 kids. FML

By Anonymous - 7/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Minden

Family man

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146

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

By Poowee - United States

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49254

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

By firedupasshole - 27/7/2020 05:01

Make your mind up

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125

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

By James - United Kingdom - Sheffield

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1760

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

By Username

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Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

By some things never change - Canada - Maple Ridge

30409

1963

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

By Aerogal - 30/11/2020 17:01

Uber sister

803

155

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

By anon - United States

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Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML

By HelpPlease - United States - San Francisco

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Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

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184

Today, at work, we ran out of receipt paper. Someone paid for $3 in gas and asked for a receipt. I explained that the company we order our paper from sent us toilet paper, not receipt paper. He got mad and said that he was never coming back. Twenty minutes later, he was back to get $3 more in gas, wanting a receipt. FML

By Anonymous

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117

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

By ? - United States

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Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

By shredded - United Kingdom

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Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

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3550

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

By SunBed

Soaked

1648

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

By N - United States

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Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

By hopeless - Canada - Halifax

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Today, I found out the love of my life was talking to his ex. She chose to contact me, including screenshots of him begging her to, "Save me from this crazy bitch, she's trying to kill herself," while I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I financially supported him through the pandemic. FML

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 19/5/2021 02:00

Love is hell

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132

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

By fuckyoudeadgunnuts - United States - San Francisco

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Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

By Madagascar - Australia

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Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

By what even - United States - Athens

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Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

By soulaar - Vietnam - Dong Nai

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5321

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

By Anonymous - United States

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Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

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Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

By piliseep

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Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

By SenorPoopypants

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