Short Struggles

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

Social distancing gone wrong

Fake News

Ungrateful

By ZeroLuck - 16/8/2013 02:32 - United States - Miami

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Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML

By Fatnotpregnant - 30/3/2017 16:00

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Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML

By Anonymous - 6/12/2016 17:09 - United States - Orange Park

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Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

By fml_for_real - 4/2/2009 17:04 - United States

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Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

By Anonymous - 11/5/2015 06:59 - Canada - Maple Ridge

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Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

By Scottie Too Hottie - 27/6/2016 22:49 - United States - Pontiac

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Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 01:22 - United States

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Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

By Brastro - 7/4/2009 11:46 - Ireland

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Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

By LonelyStranger - 2/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

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Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 20:48 - Canada

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Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

By bumpyroad - 17/4/2011 14:29 - Australia

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Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

By J.Smith - 15/1/2009 16:12 - France

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Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

By Hesintrouble - 23/7/2013 19:03 - United Kingdom

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Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/5/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

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Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

By nipman - 25/4/2011 19:12 - United States

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Today, my school told us that we all need to be checked and treated for threadworms. So now I need to go tell my girlfriend that she needs to be checked and treated for threadworms. We have been dating for little over a week. FML

By MIG2204 - 15/4/2019 20:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

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Today, I surprise-visited my uncle after not seeing him for 4 years because of college. When he opened the door to his house, he was wearing Crocs. Of course, that would have been completely fine if it weren't for the fact that they were the only thing he was wearing. FML

By Scarred Nephew - 10/5/2016 22:28 - United States - Allen

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Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

By deadandwasted - 20/2/2010 08:20 - United States

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Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

By madbabynoel - 25/3/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

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Today, at my job of 2 months, I'd taken it upon myself to water the plants around the office every day since they all looked a little sad. My boss then asked why so many of the fake plants were getting mouldy. My co-workers had watched me water plastic plants for 2 months and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

By Emyka - 21/9/2016 10:51 - Austria

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Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

By Heyhey - 8/12/2008 08:46 - France

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Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 04:44 - Chile - Santiago

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Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face- first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML

By duckyou - 2/4/2018 01:30

What the Duck?

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Today, my mother-in-law screamed at the top of her lungs in front of our friends and family that I was stealing her baby away from her. I'd only suggested we go home because he had a migraine. Her baby is 24 years old and has been married to me for a year. FML

By motherlylove - 8/7/2018 15:00

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Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

By dreamer2639 - 3/7/2009 16:23 - United States

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Today, I was written up at work and sent home 20 minutes into my shift. My boss thought I was under the influence of something, but it’s really just the first time I’ve come to work with no makeup on. FML

By Lexxiluvstwat - 15/5/2018 20:30

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Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 20:15 - Netherlands

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Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML

By argh - 13/7/2011 23:49 - United States

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Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

By Anonymous - 19/3/2015 05:35

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Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 17:04 - United States - Cherry Hill

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Today, my boyfriend was going down on me and decided it'd be funny to blow raspberries in my crotch. He literally thought it was the funniest thing ever. FML

By Landdownunder - 5/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Comedy gold

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Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

By tbalboa - 1/7/2011 17:27 - United States

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Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 08:06

Easy listener

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Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

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Today, my 17-year-old daughter didn't do the laundry. Her excuse? "If it was meant to be done, it would have done itself." This is the same daughter who yesterday tried convincing me she was responsible enough to get a dog. FML

By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 17:01 - Canada

Logic 101

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Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

By Loveless - 20/7/2009 01:06 - United States

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Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

By bellaboop1990 - 14/7/2009 22:13 - United States

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Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

By ugh thanks - 17/8/2014 16:40 - United States - Dayton

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Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

By HomicidalPegasus - 25/5/2014 15:50 - United States - Bethalto

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