Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duck tape on ducks." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML
Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML
Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend because I thought she'd thrown away an important form I needed to fill out. I found it a few minutes later, just stuck to the back of another piece of paper. After apologizing for getting mad, all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML
Today, my daughter asked me if we could make sticker art. Of course I said it was OK so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML
Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML
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Top comments
alexhaz64 4
Wait, you're NOT supposed to use duct tape on ducks???
vansandtans 3
QUACK
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Comments (188)
FlyingPie 17
She sounds a bit stuck up.
Yunhee_fml 16
I'm guessing your girlfriend is blonde.
FML_Whale 18
I'm guessing she isn't the smartest duck in the pond...
letsdothisagain 5
Its duct tape its used on air ducts
Zebediabolical 45
**** your life? Dude, you picked /her/.
Patches215 1
Dump that dummy.
ThatLooksSticky 16
In her defense, duct tape DOES have pictures of ducks on it.
Iniezian 18
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Lehk 9
"Duct" tape isn't really for ducts, the constant heating and cooling actually makes it's performance worse than heavy duty masking tape or even cellophane tape. duck tape as in "like water off a duck's back" was originally for the military to seal water out of ammo cans, soldiers ended up using it for all sorts of other things too
PowerPanda_fml 3
You can get surgery to fix your physical apearence. But you can't fix stupid. Teachers have tried.