Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines, and inadvertently eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, I was stuck in a stiflingly hot port-a-potty for 30 minutes with the worst bowel issues ever due to food poisoning. To make things worse, the maintenance guy came two minutes in to drain the thing and had to wait outside till I was done, muttering angrily at me as I took the humiliating walk of shame to my car. FML
Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML
Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML
Today, I had to spend five days at work, as we were expecting a snow storm and my position must be staffed at all times. My boss stocked the fridges with food, which sounds nice, but it was all frozen dinners and junk food. I've had so much diarrhea that my asshole is chapped and bleeds when I wipe. FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Today, I didn't feel like cooking when I got home from work, so I decided to go to the local restaurant nearby and do my part in supporting small businesses. Long story short, I woke up later feeling like absolute shit. Hello, food poisoning. FML
Today, i managed to carve an hour out of my daily working-from-home grind to get some exercise and fresh air, only to spend all of that time stuck in the bathroom trying to take the same shit. I fucking loathe having Crohn's disease. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
Don't worry if you ate spoiled meat you won't be constipated for long. Buy some nice soft tissue paper, treat yourself right.
nibawan 0
so quit
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Comments (44)
mrbuddy 0
My job feels like that too. But I try to avoid traffic an spoiled meat.
ColdGold 6
Time for a new life.
missjnr 0
See, I felt the same way you did, until I lost my job and was unemployed for 7 months. Be thankful for that job, shitty or not.
blastvortex 4
Yup. There are a lot of people that may feel the same way, OP. Sometimes life's a bitch, and it's not as common to meet someone who wouldn't rather laze-about rather than the converse, but at least you have a job.
pleasenopuffin 0
Amen. I feel you on that one.
howyoudoin_fml 0
Well, the spoiled meat will probably help with the constipation.
missygirl213 5
LOL good luck finding a new job!
frostie 0
Petergibbons you must first think real hard at a job that you'll like and that makes you happy to go to work at, then go to university to reeducate yourself and get it (save up for uni or get out a bank loan). A lot of middle aged people are returning to school to get more degrees and apply for different type of jobs. If you stay in your current job then it'll be hell on earth for you. You'll be miserable and people around you would feel that misery as well, and being selfish like we all are, they'll probably ditch you.
AnthonyD86 0
dude I totally relate. sadly it's not A's easy to find a job right now as one would hope. good luck.
Jh5 0
They better be paying you good cause that sucks