Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and that we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML
Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML
Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
Today, I asked my husband to watch our kids while I cooked food for him. Apparently I asked in the wrong tone, because now he's pouting and won't eat. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife doesn't like to cook. She doesn't like when I cook, because I enjoy cooking and she says I'm "making her feel guilty." She also doesn't want to order take out, as it's "a foolish waste of money." The fuck are we supposed to eat? FML
Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML
Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ThaKranium 10
Who cares? It's pizza.
imlifeless2 25
it would be funny if you were making pizza.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
Guardian88 21
Its the thought that counts man!
Voij 16
There's exactly one rule for those who are beginners at cooking: Keep to the recipe and never try to improvise. As long as you follow this rule, nothing can go wrong while cooking. [Well, that is as long as you don't slack off in the middle of cooking, thus burning things or similar...but that really shouldn't be counted as "having followed the recipe".] Also, try to find a respectable site to get your recipes. One where people can leave comments on recipes and are allowed to rate them.
Fmlsea 28
tell her tp learn to cook , its really not that hard . they even have videos on youtube that can show you exactly what to dom you should watch them and learn and when you get really good at cooking you can show off your new skills and your wife wont be able to complain ;)
Gityerchicken 12
What a good way to get out of cooking. I'll have to remember that one.
mr_aaaaaaaa 12
I usually spend two hrs in cooking.... Op u can learn how to cook and u will be really happy when ur family appreciate ur cooking, btw, it's not that health to always eat pizza,
Misuto2 6
Menu isn't your wife cooking instead of you ordering pizza all the time?
darkfireflame 15
Well at least now she understands -why- you order pizza.
Ki11erC 18
Share the cooking? Then you're both to blame.
CDobs 8
Dude, you cannot just give your kids pizza all the time. They need nutritious food. Learn how to cook healthy food, go grocery shopping, and make feeding your kids the right stuff a priority.
ZY1431 24
hey you tried all that matters.