Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Today, I was walking to my friend's Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML
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Top comments
abattior 18
Does that mean the only thing stopping him from killing you is law? i really think you should divorce his ass!
pixigem 15
If you have a husband that thinks so negatively of you, you guys should talk. It won't get better by ignoring it, be honest and open about your feelings, don't lie it'll only get worse!
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Comments (105)
danihammer 4
I don't get why husbands make cruel jokes about their wives all the time. If you hate your wife that much perhaps you shouldn't have married in the first place?
Cherry83_fml 3
Girl, it's time to get yourself a lawyer and a new place!
AfroFluff 23
At the end he will be the ass who hasn't survived the zombie apocalypse. Time to talk to him.
4hundredbabies 5
Woah, what? Maybe you should consider getting out of that marriage. That shit aint right to say
Steve_Dudley_UK 10
Did you miss-hear? Did he say shoot you without having to go to prison or shoot you without having to bother with poison? Careful if he cooks anything...
tybone25 5
Good Lord!
Littlebit4399 2
Get out. Get out now.
RavenTheFoxx 16
Divorce and restraining order. Now.
chicag0skyline 4
Forget about the long talk. This guy literally said he'd murder you if he could. RUN, OP. RUN.
BloodyGlass 10
So, he's dead now, right?