Deluxe Memory Man

Congrats!

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of three years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

Congratulations!

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously, until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

SPEECH! SPEECH!

Today, I was asked to give a toast at my best friend’s wedding. I confidently walked up, tapped my glass, and began with, “Marriage is like...” Then I completely blanked, for about 10 seconds, but it felt like hours. I finished with, “...good luck!” and sat down to slow, confused golf claps. FML

Social situations make me nervous

Today, someone handed me a drink at a wedding, so I awkwardly took a sip and commented on the taste. It turns out they were just trying to “Cheers!” me. FML

A night to remember

Today, I planned to propose to my girlfriend in front of her family at dinner. I had the ring ready and got down on one knee. She immediately burst into laughter and said, "Are you kidding?" The family stared in silence, and I quickly realised she was just teasing me... until I stood up and knocked over an entire table of drinks. FML

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in front of about 75 people in the fanciest restaurant in town. She told me she was already engaged, while holding up her right hand. FML

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

Tipsy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to taste some wine with some friends. I drank a little too much and referred to him as my brother to a random guy. Let’s just say I put a strain on my relationship. FML