Nearly FMLs

By Angela - 11/02/2016 21:15

Today, a few months ago I got in an argument with my son and I threatened to stop speaking to him. Then I found out today on Facebook that not only is he happy I am out of his life, but his wife and my grandchildren are also extremely happy I have stopped visiting FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By patlopez719 - 11/02/2016 20:59 - United States - Lake Hopatcong

Today, My Asshat of a son was sent home from school early for humping a table and then flipping off a teacher. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 20:52 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend saying "Happy Anniversary baby I love you so much" our anniversary was a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By PuckYouToTheFace - 11/02/2016 20:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I passed a variety of people wearing air filters over their faces because the winter inversion is so bad. In fact the pollution often makes people think you're in China when in fact you're in Salt Lake Utah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By curiousone - 11/02/2016 20:34 - Canada - Markham

Today, my ex told me that he almost cheated but stopped himself. That made him realize that he wasn't ready and I was too good for him. Seems my every relationship ends with that line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By I hate tech - 11/02/2016 20:32 - United States - Brookline

Today, I got my laptop back after bringing it in to get a crack in the screen repaired. The crack is fixed, but now the touch screen won't work and it doesn't connect to the Internet. I essentially paid to have my laptop broken FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By monkeychild - 11/02/2016 20:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I was eating cereal when I noticed it tasted funny. I had recently been sick so my tastebuds were off so I kept on eating it. Later on that day I heard my sister talking to her friend about how she put cat food in my cereal. I am now spewing out through both ends of my body. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 11/02/2016 19:57 - Canada - Woodstock

Today, after a month long migraine, 1 ER visit and 3 doctors appointments, I finally found the cause. Apparently I have severely infected ears and sinuses and my ear drums are about to rupture, causing me to have to have them drained, even though I have absolutely no symptoms that I am sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By w0nderwh4t - 11/02/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, My mom announced she was getting married. I would have been happy for her if I knew my dad and mom were divorced. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 19:38 - United States - Portland

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing too hard. The pain medicine they gave me makes me vomit. So I can not take painkillers and be in pain. Or take them and vomit and be in pain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By senorwinces - 11/02/2016 19:16 - United States - Meansville

Today, at work, I let out a massive fart in the bathroom. I learned that the bathroom door has all the sound-muffling ability of a wet paper bag when I saw the disgusted looks on my coworkers' faces as I came back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gottagogottago - 11/02/2016 19:13 - United States - Orem

Today, I am all alone in my office at work and I really need to use the bathroom. However, no one is here to answer the phones while I am gone. I'm really hoping one of my coworkers comes in really soon. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By minimum wage - 11/02/2016 19:11 - United States - Covington

Today, I sat down and actually thought about something I found puzzling yesterday. I was working as a cashier, and it seemed a lot of old people had smudges on their forehead. I asked the manager if we had any grease lying around, and she just looked at me. Ash Wednesday is a thing, who knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 19:07 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I broke my wrist. I texted my boyfriend about it and what did he say? "My dogs losing weight." Glad he cares more about his dog than me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 19:04 - Canada - Hamilton

Today I walked into my apartment and made eye contact with a stranger being blown by another stranger. They're my roommates friends and he's denying the whole situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AZcardinals - 11/02/2016 18:55 - United States - Columbia

Today, I had to cook dinner, vacuum, dust, walk the dog, and take out the trash. I have the flu, and i work 8 hours a day. My unemployed wife watched TV, because she was "too tired". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hesadouche - 11/02/2016 18:43 - United States - Houston

Today, a good friend told me he loved me, then told me he slept with someone else, then later proceeded on to tell me that he didn't in fact love me but loved her and that it was my fault he slept with her for not admitting my feelings sooner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ertyert101 - 11/02/2016 18:39 - United States - Amenia

Today, I thought my toenails had dried completely after painting them bright red, that is until I fell asleep on my new tan suede couch. I then managed to smear it all over trying to clean it up. The cushions don't flip over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Shittymcshithead - 11/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Flossmoor

Today, i realized how much I hate my job when I had to clean a boys bathroom with piss and shit everywhere on the floor. The best part? I fell in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By haileyrows - 11/02/2016 18:19 - United States - Havertown

Today, I took my new puppy to the dog park. He promptly began to pee on another dog, so I cried, "Buddy, NO!" Apparently, he thought I meant I wanted him to pee on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By haileyrows - 11/02/2016 18:10 - United States - Havertown

Today, I took my new puppy to the dog park. He promptly began to pee on another dog, so I cried, "Buddy, NO!" Apparently he thought I meant I wanted him to pee on me instead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By George - 11/02/2016 18:04 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I lost my wallet with my freshly new cut keys... Having lost my old pair along with my jacket the week before. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nickncik - 11/02/2016 17:59 - United States - South Hamilton

Today, my high school had a lockdown drill. My neurotic English teacher refused to let us hide, and instead told us to keep working, saying, "You people are crazy. Do you hear gunfire? Sit back down now." I'm now legitimately scared of this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TylerH99 - 11/02/2016 17:56 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to take a bath today. Her response was "if you don't mind a blood bath" I laughed assuming she meant with blood bath bombs. All I can say was I was very wrong. Period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By RobotUnicorn1209 - 11/02/2016 17:56 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was carrying my phone in my back pocket, and my parents laughed at me, saying it looked like I was "wearing a diaper." A month ago, I carried my phone in my front pocket, and my parents told me it looked like I "pooped my pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By gunn1394 - 11/02/2016 17:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I was giving the CEO of my company a ride to the airport when I received a very detailed sext from my boyfriend. That wouldn't have been a problem except for the fact that my car reads my text out loud automatically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sausagekingofchicago - 11/02/2016 17:54 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, I went to work with a hangover including the mandatory pounding headache. Today was also the day the alarm men came to fix the alarm system. This consisted of a screeching banshee like alarm with intermittent louder beeping. Solidly. For 5 hours. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By tencentsakiss - 11/02/2016 17:53 - United States - Essex

Today, while working from home and watching an online presentation of new software, my cat walked across my keyboard and typed and sent a line of characters that looked suspiciously like a penis to everyone via the group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 17:50 - United States - Lansdowne

Today, I walked into a stall in the men's room and saw a used tampon floating in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Dublkros - 11/02/2016 17:38 - United States - Billings

Today, at work, I watched as an elderly woman who regularly steals from our grocery store went digging through our newspapers for adverts. She looked up and saw me glaring at her as she pulled out a flier, immediately put it back and flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 353

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 162

You deserved it 4 194

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 063

You deserved it 7 812

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 722

You deserved it 6 593

Today, a customer called the Chinese restaurant where I work and complained about her takeout order not including donuts. After informing her that we don't have them, she started to curse at me while citing the website as proof. She thought wontons were synonymous with donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 874

You deserved it 1 641

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 746

You deserved it 3 522