Nearly FMLs

By besosforme - 11/02/2016 09:54 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today will be my first night shift ever. It's also the first shift at my dream job. That, in itself, would be okay- great, even- if I hadn't just heard the hammering of an apparent week-long construction project my landlord booked for my house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By SPIDER - 11/02/2016 09:41 - United States

Today, I supposedly burned a black widow in the house so I left to get a napkin to pick it up but when I came back it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By noVideoGamesForMe - 11/02/2016 09:32 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I was setting up my TV & PS4 after getting them out of storage since I moved. When I turned on my TV and saw the screen cracked and brought this to my roommates attention she said yeah it broke in the move .... Thanks for telling me 2 months ago when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shakeout - 11/02/2016 09:13 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm not going to be able to be with my fiance on Valentine's Day, but my 13 year old sister will be with her Valentine. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NHope - 11/02/2016 09:01 - France

Today, I applied through UCAS website to become a MFL teacher (Modern Foreign Languages). I wrote that I really wanted to become "FML teacher" all over my personal statement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 08:46 - Australia - Geelong

Today, It's the first day of my period. I stayed at my boyfriend's house last night and forgot to pack underwear, pads or tampons. I have to be on an hour long train journey in 10 minutes. Oh, and all I have to wear is a white dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tittyboomboom - 11/02/2016 08:28 - Australia - Brisbane

Today I decided to break out the cute bikini my girlfriend brought me for my birthday and wear it to the beach. About 10 minutes after arriving, I 'discovered' there is such a thing as a prank bikini, one that dissolves in water, as said bikini fell to pieces around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 07:31 - United States - East Meadow

Today, after a week of fighting, I finally got to see my boyfriend. We decided to have make up sex before he leaves for Toronto tomorrow. Trying to smooth things over but towards the end of the night, a cop decided to surprise us during our back seat session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By moosemay - 11/02/2016 07:19 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I grabbed a bunch of letters and my cellphone and hurried to the mailbox. When I returned to my car I was still holding the letters but had mailed my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By unsatisfactory - 11/02/2016 07:01 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I got home from work and my boyfriend was wasted. We had sex, he came, then passed out on top of me. When I finally got him to move, he informed me I "better make sure he gets up for work" and he rolled over and went back to sleep. Maybe I should have stayed single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 1999jessica - 11/02/2016 06:59 - United States - Puyallup

Today, I had my boyfriend of 5 months dump me by blocking me on Facebook and posting a picture and relationship status with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NateHQ - 11/02/2016 06:37 - Australia - Lidcombe

Today, I asked out the hot girl in the office at work. She replied "Why? There are plenty of other single girls who work here other than me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ApparentMaid - 11/02/2016 06:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, I go yelled at, phone confiscated and cut off from the Internet by my stepdad all because I didn't do the dishes last night due to a late running class. Meanwhile, he hasn't done housework since the Spice Girls were in the charts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Imthedaddy11 - 11/02/2016 06:08 - United States - Excelsior

Today, my 100lb "wild and vicious" puppy stomped on my throat while we were playing. I still can't talk, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jkp1291 - 11/02/2016 06:07 - United States - Orlando

Today, my mom randomly walked up to me, handed me boxes for a diet cleanse, and then said someone she knew lost 20 pounds on it and that I should really try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 06:05 - Israel

Today, I have saved a little boy's life by shoving him out of the way of a speeding van. He is alright, but I am about to undergo a surgery that would decide if I ever walk again. Also, his family wants to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mwhitney90 - 11/02/2016 05:59 - United States

Today, my roommate had some friends over but I was tired and decided to go beat off in my bathroom before bed. The sound on my phone wasn't working. The audio from the porn wasn't coming through my phone speakers but the Bluetooth sound system in the living room which I was still connected to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By The21Fates - 11/02/2016 05:58 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is gay, how did I find out? From his husband and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By help - 11/02/2016 05:57 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I was having a normal conversation with a friend over snapchat. all was going well until, he sent a dick pic. I'm still disgusted and have no idea why he sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TopKek - 11/02/2016 05:54 - United States - Seattle

Today, my parents decided to use my phone to look something up. Too bad I left my porn tabs open. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By veryconfusedpleasehelp - 11/02/2016 05:51 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years told me she wants to become my boyfriend, and to begin to call her Drake. I'm as straight as a board, and the thought of dating another male sounds as fun as having all of my teeth ripped from my mouth with rusty pliers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By medicationnotsogreat - 11/02/2016 05:48 - United States - Middletown

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night. Literally, at midnight. With nausea. Funny thing is, last night I took my new medication. To stop me from being constantly nauseous and waking up at 1am. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Therid - 11/02/2016 05:47 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I have a stomach bug, and have been throwing up everything I have eaten for the past 4 days. I'm hungry and people are starting to suspect I have bulimia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By she was right :( - 11/02/2016 05:23 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I decided to hang out with my four-year-old sister. She was playing with some toys, so I sat down next to her to ask her what she was up to and if I could join her. She turned and stared at me, then asked, "Don't you have some homework to do or something?" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By WhoaZombie - 11/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Niles

Today, I was holding my parrot while mindlessly playing the sims. Well, let's just say my sims weren't the only ones getting it on. I guess my bird thought my hand was an attractive bird substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By blostrich_ - 11/02/2016 04:44 - United States - El Paso

Today, this guy in my class was flirting with me nonstop in front of my crush. I did my best to show him I was not interested. Under his breath, my crush mumbled, "What a hoe." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By In Kneed of Medical Attention - 11/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I fell in the kitchen and twisted my knee, which caused excruciating pain and lots of swelling. I obviously needed to go to the hospital, but my dad figured I could wait until after the Super Bowl. In that time my knee swelled to the size of a football. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Onigori - 11/02/2016 04:14 - United States - Chicago

Today, on the bus ride home from school, some asswipe swiped my phone and ran. I dutifully called the police and waited outside in the wind and snow for two hours. Police never showed so now I'm phoneless and couldn't even file a report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Omg why - 11/02/2016 04:13 - United States - Wilson

Today, I was getting ready to swim a meet. I knew I used a different suit that was smaller than my normal one. I didn't know I put on my little sisters. I was shamed as I took off my hoodie and realized my boobs were completely visible and the suit went far up my buttcrack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By AmberLynn100 - 11/02/2016 04:10 - United States - Monclova

Today, at my retail job, I was wearing a really cute sweater dress and thought I looked sexy. this was until a lady came up to me and asked if I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to him gratuitously stroking my breasts with his elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 460

You deserved it 4 337

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 589

You deserved it 5 342

Today, I served my good friend and his girlfriend at the restaurant where I work. They did a "dine and dash". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 421

You deserved it 415

Today, I took my partner’s car to fill with gas because mine was in the shop. Out of habit, I put diesel into the tank. We discovered it three hours later; the tow bill ate my weekly budget, the mechanic sighed through the repair estimate, and I spent the evening on hold with roadside help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 477

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 221

You deserved it 2 982

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 430

You deserved it 27 543