Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 08:33 - United States

Today, I realized I can tell which member of the household has left their urine in the toilet based on color and fragrance. FML

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By stupidmomma - 02/04/2016 07:57 - United States

Today, my 10-year-old and I drove over 6 hours for what was supposed to be a 3 hour road trip. The city we planned to stop in had no hotels. Neither did any other place within 4 hours. We're now parked in a lot with him trying to sleep in the backseat. FML.

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By anonymous - 02/04/2016 07:45 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, my best friend had bought me a ticket to Comic-Con and asked me to be up and ready for 9am. That would of been all good and well if I hadn't been up since 2am with explosive diarrhoea every 20 to 30 minutes. FML.

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By Simon - 02/04/2016 07:26 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my eczema has migrated from my hands and arms to my penis and balls, so now, not only will my girlfriend not have sex with me because of how disgusting my penis looks, I can't masturbate either without rubbing the skin raw and bleeding all over my underwear. FML

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By apparently a f***ing disgrace - 02/04/2016 07:20 - United States - Lincoln

Today,

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By ackligtful - 02/04/2016 07:14 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I went to the park with my friends for a picnic. Halfway through I needed to go to the bathroom and went to stand in line. After standing in line for 45 minutes and with only four people left in front of me my friend accidentally nudged my stomach and I peed my pants. FML.

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By moxiinterstellar - 02/04/2016 06:17 - Italy - Saviano

Today, I went in for a haircut. I came out with an infection. FML.

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By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 06:06 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I, a straight male, decided to April Fool's prank my best friend (also a straight male) by confessing my love to him. Before I could admit it was a prank he said he's loved me for a long time. I don't know what to do. FML

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By Why me - 02/04/2016 05:44 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was enjoying an evening on the beach and drew a large, elaborate drawing in the sand. As I left a couple approached the drawing and I watched to see their reaction. I knew the drawing would only last until the tide came but I didn't expect a thirty year old man to drag his feet all over.FML

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By pleasedothissomewhereelseimtired - 02/04/2016 05:42 - United States - Fairfax

Today, it is the last night of my trip with other exchange students to Washington D.C. Right now it 1:40am and I'm typing this while sitting in the hotel bathroom, having to listen to two of my new friends making out heavily on my bed. FML

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By 28actress - 02/04/2016 05:25 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, and every other time I try to discreetly use the toilet at my boyfriend's house, I clogged it. This has happened at least five times and I seriously don't know why. FML

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By truckers_wife - 02/04/2016 05:23 - United States - Elgin

Today, my husband went missing for 10 hours. After multiple phone calls and a missing persons report, we finally got a hold of him. Apparently he decided to spend all day looking for a birthday present for me with a dead phone instead of spending time with me. FML

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By jimmy - 02/04/2016 05:09 - Australia - Cashmere

Today after been married for over 7 years and having 2 kids my wife told me that they weren't mine and where her ex-boyfriends they are 4 and 5 years old FML

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By itsfineimfine - 02/04/2016 05:08 - United States - Wylie

Today, my ex boyfriend texted me to tell me he had a great time with my best friend last night. Then sent oops wrong person. FML.

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By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:22 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I received a call saying that I was hired for my dream job. I called my family and friends and posted on Facebook the good news. Six hours later I got another call from the job with the guy hysterically laughing, screaming "April Fools!", and hanging up on me. FML

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By Not Funny Business - 02/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I received an early morning call saying that I was hired for my dream job. I called my family and friends and posted it on Facebook to tell the good news. 6 hours later I got another call from the job with the guy hysterically laughing, screaming "April Fools!", then hanging up on me. FML

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By 0h_Boy - 02/04/2016 04:05 - United States

Today, I lied and told a customer I didn't know anything about a tool, and redirected him to a female associate. I wanted to prove she was just as competent as I was. Instead, he screamed at her for giving him misinformation, making her cry. Next time, ask for info on the right tool, asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:03 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I accidentally burned my arm with a pan. It was kinda ugly, so I covered it with a band aid. But when I took off the band aid, it ripped my skin surrounding the burn. The band aid caused more damage than the hot pan. FML

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By fulltimestudentandworker - 02/04/2016 04:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I was near the end of my shift at work and exhausted. So, when my coworker offered me coffee at almost 10pm I happily accepted due to lack of sleep from college and work. Now I'm laying in bed finally trying to sleep and the caffeine has me wide awake. FML.

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By Kayyoungsterr - 02/04/2016 03:55 - United States - Palestine

Today, I got my FIRST Adam&Eve package in the mail. I'm was nervous because I had never ordered anything like it. Instead of the small toy that I originally ordered, I opened the package to a 10 inch long black dildo with a suction cup. I was in my car, and my creepy naighbor drove by and saw it. FML

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By anonymous - 02/04/2016 03:50 - Canada - Milton

Today, I held hands with a guy for the first time... to bad it was for a science experiment. FML

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By JoeTitan25 - 02/04/2016 03:34 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I was going to ask a girl out that I like a lot. I wrote her a song and sang it to her, because she likes music and bands, like me. After that, she replies with "Joe, you're always good for a laugh. Good April Fools Day joke!" She runs away laughing to tell all her friends. FML.

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By singleagain - 02/04/2016 03:34 - United States - San Antonio

Today, My boyfriend of 3 years admitted he had sex with someone. It was my sister. They did it in my car while I was sleep. FML.

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By fhlakd - 02/04/2016 03:26 - United States - Muskego

Today, I was painting my room, as I am redecorating, when I heard a knock on the door. It was a neighbor who told me my garage is on fire. I said 'April fool's?'. Nope. He was dead serious. FML

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By jrtzebra - 02/04/2016 03:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my school as a April fools joke someone drew a dick on the main white board in the hallway. When they find out who it was my school is sending the person to a detention school. People think it's me. FML

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By blupariah - 02/04/2016 03:15

Today, an ex boyfriend I dated for a little over 2 years implied he was interested in getting back together. I was excited because I still have some feelings for him. Too bad it was a cruel April fools joke. FML.

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By multilagio - 02/04/2016 03:12 - United States - Dayton

Today, at church you were suppose to bring a towel to wash peoples feet with. When I arrived I realized my towel had a big shit stain. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By j - 02/04/2016 03:09 - United States - Salisbury

Today, I stubbed my toe not once, not twice, but three times in less than 30 seconds. FML

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By anonymous - 02/04/2016 03:08 - United States - West Chester

Today, I discovered that my parents, who are still married, hate each other more than my friend's divorced parents.FML

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By butterfingers - 02/04/2016 03:01 - United States - Derby

Today, I reached a new level of clumsy. While showing my friend my new pocket knife, I accidentally dropped the knife and it stabbed me in the leg. Fml

agreeclassic 3

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

agreeclassic 28 517

vote type 1 5 361

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

agreeclassic 29 960

vote type 1 3 444

Today, my twit of a husband admitted to falling for an internet scam involving a dead foreign politician, the promise of a share in millions of dollars currently stuck in a bank, and him having wired a large amount of our money to "bribe an official". FML

agreeclassic 35 818

vote type 1 4 928

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 25 679

vote type 1 4 665

Today, I stopped at Starbucks to get tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As I was leaving, the automatic door closed, knocking my tea out of my hand. I headed back in, only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

agreeclassic 2 036

vote type 1 798

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

agreeclassic 23 376

vote type 1 7 409