Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 03:21

Today, I was giving my crush of 5 years a lift. While we were driving I asked him to get my sunglasses from the console. What he produced was my tube of Vagasil instead with a look of surprise and disgust. Now whenever I see him he asks "Hows your Vag? taking better care of it I hope" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 10

By jamielouwho - 06/02/2020 19:30 - United States - Brookville

Today, my coworker who does nothing but the minimal amount of work and is always on her phone got recognition from my general manager for “making the new hires feel welcome”. I’ve worked there for 6 years and bust my rear all day but I get scheduled crap hours and get treated like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 01:08

today I found out my gf had lied to me about her job role for years. I asked why? because then I will buy her more stuff and pay more often.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 01:05

today my gf of 4 years told me I'm her favourite guy to sleep with and hasn't seen any of the others for a few weeks now

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 23:50

Today my gf wanted to go camping. We got there. Then asked where the hotel is and broke up with me for not booking anything.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 16:49 - United States - Saint Paul

Today my gf said she missed how her ex cuddled her and made her feel like a little panda. Not that it matters, but I'm twice his size and athletic.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 16:47 - United States - Saint Paul

Today my gf finished and climbed off and said it's bed time and i need to turn around and go to sleep.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

By Winter99 - 07/02/2020 00:26 - Israel

Today, I was sitting at a bar when a guy came up and started hitting on me. I explained nicely that I am a lesbian... I've gotten used to guys not believing me, I've heard "maybe you haven't had the right guy" or stuff like that many times, but this guy just pulled down his pants to show his hard on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 4

By need new boots! - 06/02/2020 22:05

Today my mom, who outweighs me by 80lbs, destroyed my favorite boots by trying to force her massive calves to fit in them. She reasoned that since we wear the same shoe size the boots should fit just fine. The popped seams and busted heels seem to disagree. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 4

By "dumbass" - 06/02/2020 08:29

Bruh today I walked into my class wearing some cute ass yellow and black checkered pants then my professor decides to say " You look like a bumble bee " I said "you look like a boomer" ?? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 08:13

Today I caught my boyfriend having sex with my mother. Rather than being ashamed or sorry he asked if we could have a threesome. EW. Then my dad got home, saw what was going on, beat up my (now ex) boyfriend and told mom he wants a divorce. So yeah, it’s been an emotional morning so far FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 22:04

I've liked this guy I'm friends with for a while now, but I'm too scared to say anything. Yesterday while on Grindr, to my surprise, I saw that he had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 03/02/2020 21:27

Today, I sneezed so violently at work that I simultaneously farted loudly and almost crapped my pants. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 12

By Alwaysrandom - 03/02/2020 02:53

Today, I had bought a cheesecake for me and my boyfriend to share. I put it in the microwave because it was frozen, 5 seconds in the cheesecake starter burning. Not only was the cheesecake ruined, but also my microwave. I can’t afford buying a new one. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 72

By imgabella - 03/02/2020 02:31 - South Africa

Today while drunk my boyfriend asked me to give him a blowjob. I agreed but ended up puking on his dick. Now I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 15:22

Today, my sister found out that balls are the male weak spot after she seen someone get kicked there. She told me today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 13

By courtney_jones2910 - 02/02/2020 08:30

Today my child decide to hid the tv remote in the bin. After looking for an hour we finally found it in the bin. Underneath the fruit I had just thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 7

By "Lennie Mcfish" - 01/02/2020 21:22

Today, me and my mom got into an argument. She started cursing at me and calling me out of my name. I told her don't do that to me because she wouldn't like it I did that to her. She kicked me out and I'm now at a homeless shelter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 18

By get me outta here!! - 31/01/2020 07:15 - United States - Monterey Park

Today we visited my mother in law’s house for the first time. Turns out she’s an uncontrolled hoarder whose house is filled with boxes from ceiling to floor, an innumerable amount of cats and a stench that could gag a maggot. I was told I was rude for refusing any food or drink offered to me. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 31/01/2020 13:26

I deleted my Facebook but last night I had a feeling I should download it to snoop on my baby dad and found out he’s hearting and commenting on a girls post that he talked to and sent dick pics to while I was pregnant and we were together. Which he did more than once.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 66

By "littl3storm" - 31/01/2020 11:20

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me after not spending alone time together due to my overbearing best friend. I've been stuck on the toilet the last 3 hours due to an allergic reaction. How romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 12

By justin2323 - 30/01/2020 01:29

Today, I was writing a blog hard . Then, the Wi-Fi of the PC suddenly became disconnected. All my efforts have disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 29/01/2020 23:37

Today I was going down on my girlfriend. She was busy texting. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm texting my ex's he gives me more attention than you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 20

By Broken - 29/01/2020 23:07

Today, I found out my gf slept with my brother while I was asleep...fml

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 29/01/2020 19:54

Today, i was playing with my dog. I started scratching his back, and he wiggled his rump around. It was cute at first, but i guess he lost control of his anus, because he blew shit all over the living room. The couch and TV were blasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 12

By anon - 29/01/2020 04:29

My bf of one year went overseas in December and got married without telling me. When he got back, he acted like nothing happened and was talking about the weddings he had attended (which was most likely his own). Three days later I found out on insta as he had posted a wedding pic!!! Fml

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 14:47

Today, I switched out the batteries in the front door keypad, because my husband had forgot for a few weeks already. A few hours later my husband switched them out for dollar tree batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 22

By "Amanda G Rich" - 28/01/2020 03:46

Today, I refused to have sex with a jerk of a coworker. Now everyone hates me and talks behind my back because they took his side. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 15

By Perry85 - 28/01/2020 02:33

Today, I ended up in the hospital because my girlfriend decided to surprise me with a blowjob while I was frying eggs. I spilled them on her back causing her to bite down. I had to repeatedly hit her in the head with the pan to get her to unlatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 33

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 08:08 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today my wife told me that in a drunken state with her girlfriends they decided to play penis size comparisons about their other halves. She then told me that I won the smallest size ...... gee wow how exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 3 549

Today, date night with my boyfriend. I had my makeup done, fake lashes, etc. He was staring at me and I’m thought, "Oh, he loves how my eyes look" so I started flirting a lot, fluttering my lashes. We then took a pic and saw my lashes were falling, so I asked, ”Were they like that the whole night?” He replied, “Yeah, it looked weird.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 481

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 887

You deserved it 3 261

Today, I thought I was being a good worker by showing a mother and daughter several rooms before they settled on one. Turns out Mommy dearest only wanted a place for her brat to throw a party. The cops found alcohol, drugs, and guns. This from the people who complained about a loose chair arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 971

You deserved it 1 115

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 2 843

Today, my mother went on a misogynistic tirade about how girls are backstabbing bitches, and nothing but trouble. She continued saying how she wishes my sister and I would make more guy friends, and stop being so damn girly all the time. Umm… has she forgotten who she gave birth to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 173