Nearly FMLs

By Loraz - 18/07/2017 15:31

Today, we had the animal shelter inspectors come round to evaluate our property as we want to adopt a puppy from them. They took one look at the beautiful Pitbull next door, separated by a six foot wall, and said, "No." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 799

You deserved it 395

Loraz tells us more.

Loraz 5

Tuesday 18 July 2017 7:25

Hey, so I'm from South Africa. It is general practice with most reputable shelter/rescue centres to inspect property, etc to ensure that there will be no problems resulting in the new owners having to return the animal. We also, unfortunately have a ridiculously high problem with dog fighting. On the up side, I was able to ask for a more experienced inspector to come around and give their opinion. It was a long a process and there were many hoops that we needed to jump through, but I can happily say that puppy is now at home with us, where he will spend the rest of his life being pathetically spoiled and loved. Oh, and so far, the pittie next door couldn't give a flying hoot about his new four legged neighbour.

By "Nicholas319" - 18/07/2017 08:09

Today, I drove 2 hours home during our annual family vacation to attend my college class. There actually wasn't class scheduled, instead we were supposed to log into our portal to attend a video stream for credit. I missed the stream and got a 0. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 31

By BrokenFaucet - 18/07/2017 02:26

Today, it is the 172nd day of my period. “Get the birth control implant” they said. “It’ll be fun” they said. I feel like I’ll never stop bleeding, and when I tried to call my doctor, the nurse answered, made up a false answer and wouldn’t direct me to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 11

By Neevster - 18/07/2017 01:12

Today, I received my mark on a book poster I had submitted. I had lost points because I hadn't written "available in our school library" on it. It's not available in our school library. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 16/07/2017 22:54 - United States - Hawthorne

The little boy next door to me who is black started pretending to shoot me with his fingers so I started shooting back. Well another neighbor walking by saw me do this looking horrified and called me a racist...

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By Huggies46 - 16/07/2017 07:54

Today, I left my keys at home and had to pay $85 to have my home unlocked after my garage door opener and keypad failed to open my garage. Afterwards, I realized that all I needed to do was reset the breaker switch on the side of my house. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 27

By ForeverUnemployed - 15/07/2017 08:19

Today, at an out of state job fair, the person who interviewed me told me I was perfect for the job; I just needed a license. I exchanged emails weekly with HR for 3 months, and $222.10 later, I had it. I asked, “what’s next?” Judging by HR’s silence, I think the answer is, "find another job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 14

By BJlady - 15/07/2017 06:44

Today, I managed to go home with a really hot guy after drinking at the bar. Things got a bit exciting on the way home, so when we got to his house I started giving him a blowjob on the front lawn. Only to have his flat mates walk out of the house and catch me with his dick in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 145

By Ungrateful and lazy - 15/07/2017 05:15

Today, my mom called me an ungrateful lazy brat and now refuses to speak to me because I didn't help her clean the house. I have my own apartment and moved out over three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

By Born blonde - 15/07/2017 04:31

Today I set my foam hair dye next to my husbands shaving cream. After finishing "dyeing" my hair, I saw that the dye hadn't been touched. Time to start all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 15/07/2017 03:27

Today, I met the guy of my dreams. Handsome, sweet, caring and likes me back. The downside? I move out of the country in two weeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 6

By SoapySucker - 13/07/2017 23:00

Today, I realised that I CAN remove the detergent drawer from the washing machine in my rented house, after months of trying not to damage it by forcing it. To bad this revelation came AFTER I have siphoned off a mug full of old soapy water with only a straw and my own tenacity ...FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 21

By Catdog - 13/07/2017 21:54 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today my dog decided it would be fun to hide my honors theosus in his stomach. He the proceeded to reveal the content of the report and his stomach all over my brand new laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 12

By almost died - 13/07/2017 17:54

Today, after 5 years saving for a 6 month trip of a lifetime, I was discharged from the local hospital and told to return home. I only arrived 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 8

By StressedStepMum - 13/07/2017 14:45

Today, I was accused of not treating my step-children like my own child. I cook, clothe, clean & care for them. I buy them all they need & on occasion anything they want. In return they never listen, argue all the time, complain I do nothing with them, and accuse me of abusing them if I yell . FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 8

By Jane E - 13/07/2017 14:41

Today, my phone fell from my back pocket straight into the toilet. I've heard of this happening countless times. I distinctly remember choosing not to insure the phone because 'I'm not that stupid.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 13/07/2017 08:52

I moved across the country into an apartment that I wasn't able to look at before signing. I'm now finding multiple live and dead cockroaches. Looks like no sleep for me tonight.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 37

By Keeping my seat forever now. - 13/07/2017 08:21 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I gave my seat to an old woman on the subway. It was rush hour and I was holding a bunch of bags but no one offers her a seat so I do. Soon after I gave it up, I regretted it. My bags kept flying left and right spilling some of my stuff. I leave and realize that I lost my wallet and $800. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 13

By Dying Slowly - 13/07/2017 07:44

Today, I went to my third day of work at my new job. Today also marks the third day I was supposed to receive training but instead was left alone to deal with angry customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 3

By Joe - 13/07/2017 07:37

Today, I was in my barn tending the cows when my girlfriend and her friends confronted me. You see, I've been cheating on her for the past 7 months, and it looked like she found out. I got about a hundred facefuls of cow poop and a lot of degrading insults before she broke up with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 13/07/2017 07:01

Today, it came to my attention that my boyfriend has been cheating on me, which isn't uncommon nowadays. Threw me off that it was with his step sister though. I've had suspicions about it but was reassured by him many times that nothing was going on...FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 8

By "tease_ftx" - 13/07/2017 06:04

Went outside to check the laundry at 9pm. Got bit by mosquitos on my ass, knee, thigh, behind my knee right in the bend, and on my other thigh. Im severely allergic and they end up golf ball size. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 9

By TCRII - 13/07/2017 05:07 - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife told me that she wants to get two horses. 4 months ago, she wanted to get 2 puppies - she got five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 11

By Sleepless Beauty - 13/07/2017 03:44

Today I "won" at Family-Bed-Tetris... Yes, being left with no other space after toilet, I ended up sleeping at my husbands and kids feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 13/07/2017 03:37 - United States - Portland

Today, after being told my recently purchased car would take two weeks to be fixed, I decided I'd drive my backup/project car. Which promptly developed an oil leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 6

By Crucre - 12/07/2017 21:45

Today, I learned if you lack two or more forms of identification, you have a hard time proving you exist to the government. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By "ali927truthh" - 12/07/2017 19:53

Today, my I looked through my 13-year-old's cell phone only to find out she's been "sexting" boys. Time to take away her phone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 15

By tooth troubles - 12/07/2017 19:45

Today I found out that to get the tooth that is embedded in my sinuses extracted it will cost $1200. I make $500 each paycheck. I dunno where I'll find the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 6

By Thoughtless Daughter - 12/07/2017 16:05

Today, I gifted my mother a beautiful gold plaited rose pin, her favourite flower. She chastised me for wasting money, that she doesn't wear pins, and will be donating it to our church's bazaar. When I asked for it back she retorted "No! You gave it to me! I own it now!" Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 11

By Sam - 12/07/2017 13:54

Today, my mother came to me with a ridiculous request, She needs to get a urine sample from one of our cats and I said no because she wants to trap him in my room, She is now having a hissy fit over it, After specifically telling me that she wasn't going to be mad if I didn't want to do it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 8

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The Top

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 418

You deserved it 3 654

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 811

You deserved it 3 016

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 695

You deserved it 3 576

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 5 770

Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 499

Today, I found out that ALL of my friends were in the same class and I was in a different one. They went away on camp, and I'm going to be alone for this whole week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 142