Today, I got a song stuck in my head and couldn't stop humming it, even during an important meeting. I didn't realise I was doing it until my boss stopped talking, looked at me, and said, "You OK over there Jim Morrison?" FML
Today, I was singing and drumming on the steering wheel in my car while stuck in traffic, only to realize the car next to me was full of my carpooling coworkers, all staring at me in disbelief. They spent the day at the office requesting songs. FML
Today, I went to a book signing by my favorite writer, but I was so nervous that I forgot what I wanted to say, and ended up blurting out something completely random and embarrassing about the hat they were wearing. FML
Today, while buying lottery tickets, I mixed up "jackpot" and "scratch off" and asked for "$10 worth of jackoffs." FML
Today, I somehow mistook the Star of David for a Pentagram. My Jewish friends were not amused. FML
Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months and couldn't figure out how to use any of the equipment. FML
Today, at a local mini mart, I tried several times to open a door that clearly said "PUSH" by pulling it, much to the amusement to the customers and staff inside. FML
Today, I accidentally sent a text message meant for my best friend to my boss. The text was about how much I hated my job and my boss's constant micromanagement. FML
Today, I was taking notes during a meeting, and politely asked the speaker to repeat a statement. She snapped, "My time has value. I do not repeat. If you don't respect me enough to pay attention, it's your problem." Everyone just stared at me. FML
Today, I stupidly liked a post on my ex's social media account from three years ago. They then texted me immediately to ask why I was stalking them. FML
Today, I went to the gym and got locked in the locker room. I had to call the gym's phone number to get them to come let me out, after being in there for half an hour. FML
Today, I called my new boss by my old boss's name during a meeting. My new boss said nothing, but just glared at me in silence. Somehow, I think he wasn't impressed. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML
Today, I got a haircut that makes me look like a Lego minifigure. FML
Today, I went to a fancy restaurant and couldn't pronounce any of the menu items. FML
Today, I tried to show off my dance moves at a party and ended up falling through a glass table. FML
Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML
Today, I ran a marathon and despite the numerous arrows and indications along the way, I ended up getting lost on the way to the finish line. I'm still not sure how I managed it. FML
Today, I sucked so bad that I faked an injury during a football game to get out of playing. FML
Today, my brain seemingly went on vacation and I forgot the lyrics to a song I was performing in front of a live audience, so I ended up ad-libbing a bunch of garbage. FML
Today, I witnessed a drunk woman going on a manic, unhinged rant about her vagina. It would’ve been funny if she wasn’t my blind date. The worst part is that we were at my favorite restaurant, and I can probably never show my face there again. FML
Today, I started my job at a warehouse. I was the only person in my training group who needed help wrapping a pallet. FML
Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML
Today, I tried to propose to my partner in a creative way, but ended up getting stuck in a tree. FML
Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
