Morrissey · 6 April 2025, 03:00 ·United States

I got heels, they’re made of plywood

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party in a packed karaoke bar/restaurant and I drunkenly agreed to sing. I picked a song I thought I knew by heart, only to realize halfway through that the lyrics on the screen were not at all what I thought they were. My brain went for a smoke break or something, and I turned into a rambling mess. The crowd actually booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159 You deserved it 415

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Gerry0 · 5 April 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Naked truth

Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 You deserved it 437

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Olivia · 3 April 2025, 15:00 ·Monterey, United States

Speech! Speech!

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 498

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Anonymous · 3 April 2025, 12:00 ·Austin, United States

Hold the line

Today, I was at a restaurant for a quite important business lunch. I really had to go to the bathroom, but there was a queue to the only stall in the whole place, so I decided to just "hold it" and power through. Half an hour later, I sneezed and… didn’t exactly hold it in anymore. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279 You deserved it 278

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Anonymous · 1 April 2025, 09:00 ·Dallas, United States

Where is my mind?

Today, after softball practice, I could not find my car keys. Emptied my bag completely, no keys. Called a locksmith but he never showed up. Walked across the street to ask the fire department if they could help. After they got into my car, I found them. In my bag. Caught in my scorebook. The fireman just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172 You deserved it 365

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Anonymous · 27 March 2025, 20:00 ·Montreal, Canada

Felt cute, did delete later

Today, I posted a picture of myself in a new outfit on Instagram. A few minutes later, my mom commented, “You look gorgeous, but why does your shirt look like it’s from the 90s?” I was too embarrassed to respond, so I just deleted the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 26 March 2025, 09:00 ·Newcastle, United Kingdom

There was an attempt…

Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 You deserved it 504

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Kate · 26 March 2025, 03:00 ·Vancouver, Canada

Coated in embarrassment

Today, I ran to hug my mom at the airport, but when I stepped back, I realized I was hugging a total stranger who just so happened to be wearing the same coat as her usual coat. She smiled awkwardly as I backed away and said, “Sorry, I thought you were my mom.” The next level of embarrassment came when I looked up and saw my actual mom staring at me in horror from a few feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211 You deserved it 439

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Freddie · 25 March 2025, 15:00 ·Chattanooga, United States

Cursed

Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 144

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Lolo · 25 March 2025, 03:00 ·Boston, United States

Explosive

Today, I went to the library to study an upcoming exam. I sat in a quiet corner and was feeling focused. Suddenly, I sneezed so loudly that the entire library went silent. I could feel the stares of every student on me as I tried to pretend I didn’t just disrupt the entire study session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 144

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Anonymous · 24 March 2025, 20:00 ·New York, United States

I love your work!

Today, I was in a bodega when I spotted a celebrity I’ve had a huge crush on for years. I decided to go up and introduce myself, but instead of saying something cool, I panicked and shouted, "I love your cereal!" They looked confused, and I immediately realized I was staring at the wrong person, just someone who just looked a lot like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 519

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Anonymous · 23 March 2025, 12:00 ·Belton, United States

Waste of time

Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 You deserved it 95

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Beatrice00101 · 22 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Let me in

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment, and in a panic, I tried using a credit card to open the door like I'd seen in movies and stuff. Instead of opening the door, I broke my card in half. I then had to call my landlord, who showed up an hour later and said, "Wow, you really tried to break into your own house, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 414

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Trent · 19 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Deviated septum blues

Today, I had a nosebleed at work after having recent surgery. As I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped and fell, sending blood splattering everywhere. My manager, who was walking by, looked at me and said, “You’re really committed to the bit.” I was too embarrassed to respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417 You deserved it 71

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Anonymous · 19 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Help!

Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198 You deserved it 388

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Anonymous · 18 March 2025, 20:00 ·Alberton, South Africa

Pissed

Today, I went to the movies with some friends. During the movie, I really needed to pee but didn’t want to disturb anyone. So, I waited and waited. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and bolted to the bathroom… only to get locked out of the theater in the process. The staff had to escort me back in during the end credits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318 You deserved it 107

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Anonymous · 18 March 2025, 15:00 ·Bath, United Kingdom

Share, not scare

Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279 You deserved it 217

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David · 18 March 2025, 09:00 ·United States

HELP!

Today, I was in a public restroom at a concert when I realized I was locked in. The door was jammed, and there was no way out. I knocked, I tried to force it, I even climbed through the air vent to escape, only to end up covered in dust and toilet paper. Meanwhile, people outside could hear me yelling “HELP!” for a solid 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406 You deserved it 95

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Melanie · 17 March 2025, 20:00 ·Windsor, Canada

Never attempt this

Today, I was texting while riding my bike (yes, I know, terrible idea). I crashed right into a lamppost, and, even worse, a woman walking by laughed and asked, "Did you just text yourself into that pole?" I just laid there hoping for the ground to swallow me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 You deserved it 727

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TitMunch · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

A day to remember

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 975 You deserved it 4 486

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Evasive

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 392 You deserved it 2 241

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Gale · 14 March 2025, 03:00 ·Flagstaff, United States

Keep your distance

Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 You deserved it 495

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Anonymous · 13 March 2025, 09:00 ·Australia

Munchies

Today, I was munching on almonds while sitting through a long, boring Teams meeting. I was asked a question unexpectedly, causing me to choke while trying to swallow, right as I put the camera on & turned off mute. Some it sprayed out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356 You deserved it 205

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George P · 12 March 2025, 22:00 ·Canada

Rookie mistake

Today, I went up to a cute barista at the coffee shop and told her, “You make the best coffee, like seriously, you could make a career out of it.” She gave me a weird look and responded, “I AM a barista.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 You deserved it 670

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Anonymous · 10 March 2025, 22:00 ·Portland, United States

Pesky ghosts

Today, I was walking down the hallway of my office, texting and not paying attention, when I tripped on… nothing. I just practically face-planted onto the floor, and when I looked up, people chatting in the hallway were staring at me, and asked me if I had tripped over my own foot or if a ghost had pranked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 436

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AZlan · 10 March 2025, 15:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Job performance

Today, I was in a long meeting and desperately needed to fart. I carefully tried to release it slowly, but of course, it was the loudest fart I've ever made. Just after it happened, my boss looked at me and said, “That's the best contribution you've ever made in one of these meetings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 353

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Anonymous · 10 March 2025, 03:00 ·Las Vegas, United States

Leaving blues

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight when I realized I had forgotten my passport at home. I panicked, called my mom in a frenzy, only to realize I was holding my passport in my wallet the entire time. It was so embarrassing, and my mom will probably never let me forget it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 You deserved it 459

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Anonymous · 9 March 2025, 20:00 ·Canada

I'm done

Today, I was using a public restroom when the lights suddenly turned off. Panicking, I waved my arms around, trying to trigger the motion sensor, but nothing happened. I had to finish in the dark, and as I was leaving, the janitor noticed me, turned the lights back on, and said, “Yeah, I turned those off earlier to save power. Hope you were OK in there.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 94

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Anna · 7 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Not a people person

Today, I tried to sneak out of a family gathering without anyone noticing. As I tiptoed toward the door, I stepped on my aunt's prized chihuahua's squeaky toy. The entire house went silent as it squeaked at quite the volume, and everyone turned to stare at me. My "escape" turned into the most dramatic exit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284 You deserved it 248

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anonymous dude · 7 March 2025, 15:00 ·Australia

Social cues

Today, I was saying goodbye to a friend after a long day out. I went for a hug, and as I pulled away, I kissed her on the cheek for some reason. Realising it was an awkward mistake, I pulled back even more and said, "Sorry, I thought you were my mum." She looked at me confused, and we both stood there in complete silence for what felt like hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 You deserved it 437

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