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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84295) - you deserved it (20474)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

#2720820
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48469) - you deserved it (4191)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:51pm - work - by Marie (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend of 10 months moved to Europe and we may never see each other again, so I gave her a $200 sterling silver heart necklace as a goodbye present. She gave me a pack of gum. Cinnamon, which I'm allergic to. FML

#2720666
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57893) - you deserved it (6062)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:47pm - love - by dogs_and_toucans (man) - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

#2720571
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16104) - you deserved it (54373)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:44pm - love - by twowords (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

#2719263
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6832) - you deserved it (96027)

On 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

#2715007
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52190) - you deserved it (4669)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66574) - you deserved it (6357)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldnt see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

#2714754
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36794) - you deserved it (6435)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

#2713255
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95601) - you deserved it (6712)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14992) - you deserved it (86189)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

#2711577
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25122) - you deserved it (63254)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:32am - intimacy - by levit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

#2711154
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30554) - you deserved it (39900)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:54am - misc - by KBO (woman) - Australia

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

#2710099
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60029) - you deserved it (7977)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:05am - love - by aasatt22 - United States (California)



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