Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

by edodge / 10/14/2010 at 11:03pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

by copmagnet / 10/14/2010 at 8:43pm / United States / Money

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

by unloved / 10/14/2010 at 6:10pm / Australia (South Australia) / Work

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

by Username / 10/14/2010 at 3:02pm / Work

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

by Casey / 10/14/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

by pathetic_girl / 10/14/2010 at 10:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

by mikey / 10/14/2010 at 9:05am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

by tman / 10/14/2010 at 4:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

by Anon / 10/14/2010 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Love

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

by A. / 10/14/2010 at 3:15am / United States / Transportation