watermelonn_fml

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Watermelonn_fml's favorite FMLs

Baaaa!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 062

You deserved it 75 633

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 1 007

Nice try

By klutz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 954

You deserved it 57 292

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 006

You deserved it 5 279

By Kitten_Love - 28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 139

You deserved it 6 639

It's probably considered art

By firestar772 - 11/02/2013 15:48 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 050

You deserved it 4 479

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 08:35

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 763

You deserved it 10 368

By Apes - 25/03/2013 07:18 - United States - Temecula

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 512

You deserved it 5 029

By halliemarie1818 - 24/04/2013 02:01 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 569

You deserved it 4 677

By Mr_poole - 18/05/2013 20:06 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 899

You deserved it 5 363

Adopt, don't shop

By catcraze - 20/05/2013 23:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 962

You deserved it 6 749

Steven Tyler over here

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:37 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing, "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall…" Before I could say "…asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 649

You deserved it 16 040

By haleyart - 10/06/2013 16:10 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We'd been talking about the move where you pick a girl up and kiss, and how romantic that would be, so we decided to try it. When he picked me up, my head slammed against his ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 542

You deserved it 12 665

haleyart tells us more.

haleyart 15

Thursday 3 October 2013 23:30

Hey everyone! Op here! I just wanted to thank the FML staff for posting this and everyone for your very funny comments. To clear things up... No my (now ex) boyfriend is not a midget, he's in fact a giant, I'm the short one. We were going to try it later OUTSIDE but he surprised me by picking me up in his house. No the ceiling fan was not on, thankfully. We had a great laugh about it afterwards and I wasn't mad at him. We actually joked how it was perfect for a romantic comedy. Sorry for answering so late, I JUST got my account verified. Hope this clarifies some things :)

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 00:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 200

You deserved it 7 067