Miss 25 years-old Single
Today, for my boyfriend's 19th birthday, I decided to dress up as a sexy cat girl for him, complete with ears, tail, matching sexy underwear, collar and leash. He wouldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML
Today, I helped two people find the central station on my way home. As a thank you, they mugged me and stole my wallet and iPod Touch. FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML
Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML
Today, I found out that the girl who my high school boyfriend cheated on me with is now the woman my husband is having an affair with. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML
Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML
Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML
Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML
Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML
Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I was supposed to get married but we had to postpone as the best man fled the country. With the marriage certificate and vendor money. Not to mention the rings. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML
Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML
Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years-old. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's. During my check-up, he recommended a dermatologist. FML
Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a shit in the background. FML
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