Miss Barrie, Canada 36 years-old In a relationship
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML
Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML
Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML
Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML
Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML
Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML
Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML
Today, I learnt that the girl with whom I've being going out for 6 months has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML
Today, I was going to confess to my best friend that I am madly in love with her. I called her up only to find her crying. She was upset that she might be pregnant with some guy. FML
Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying, "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as smitten with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML
Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML
Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML
Today, my boyfriend came round to drop off some underwear, which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML
Today, and for the last two weeks, I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML
Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML
Today, I went to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her her stuff back. We broke up earlier this week after a two year relationship, and I'd hoped she would've realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I rang the doorbell and her new boyfriend opened the door. FML
Today, my fiancé told me that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I asked him if he had anything else to add. "Happy Birthday." FML
Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML
Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML
Today, I'm spending New Year's Eve absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with strangers and booze. Somehow, I still love her. FML
Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, I logged onto Facebook to find out that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML
Today, I made a couple of videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I got back from school to find my family huddled around the camcorder, laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML
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