cakebeam

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About Cakebeam

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Cakebeam's FML badges

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

One more and it's business time

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Cakebeam's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 50

By RachelDC - 03/07/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 195

You deserved it 5 666

By WhitneyHouston - 06/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 709

You deserved it 15 343

Cool moves

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 027

You deserved it 82 877

Busy?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 16:27 - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 111

You deserved it 56 917

Relationship goals

By failhusband - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "Nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 73 533

Brat summer

By Anonymous - 12/07/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple of minutes in, I felt a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs, and being told that "everyone wets themselves sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 499

You deserved it 2 723

By wtf - 12/07/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 094

You deserved it 14 529

Red flag

By paddy - 14/07/2009 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a neon-themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 609

You deserved it 16 541

By dinapar - 14/07/2009 14:02 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 980

You deserved it 4 972

By captainfail - 14/07/2009 15:27 - Germany

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 75 034

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 04:20 - Canada

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 473

You deserved it 66 304

Busted

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 790

You deserved it 5 501

By dork - 16/07/2009 20:32 - United States

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 149

You deserved it 3 116

By heresmybellybotton - 18/07/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 929

You deserved it 3 686

By Pumpkin - 18/07/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 223

You deserved it 102 996

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 Monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 934

You deserved it 51 614

By Anonymous - 19/07/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 395

You deserved it 7 630

Poor choice of words

By moutz - 20/07/2009 07:13 - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business, we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said, "Good luck in your final year." Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 385

You deserved it 15 340

By good_job_john - 20/07/2009 15:43 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 444

You deserved it 4 303