Intimacy: Use the force

Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 56 899

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Same thing different taste

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 352

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 766

You deserved it 7 945

One size fits all

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 317

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 472

You deserved it 7 480

War drums

By Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 232

You deserved it 10 684

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 35 230

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 173

You deserved it 8 977

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 047

You deserved it 49 651

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 762

LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

Comments

yzf250rider88 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:25

I hope you turned the light on and hit the button every so often to make the light saber noise! Haha

Channing0806 7

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:34

That's some bad ass grammar you is taught. My fault. This was suppose to be towards 58.

wadedust 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:27

That's kinda hot! But hey Star Wars is duh shit! Lol

Glambert_lover 5

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:28

This is why the internet were created.

llZombiell 5

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:41

If you don't want to go to a shop to buy one then order one online.

BighornB 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:42

Make you cum the lightsaber has ~ Yoda

jbong 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:43

May the force be in youu

j_cat187 19

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:46

Do u turn it on and have it make that lightsaber sound?

Deathhound 27

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:49

Like so many said: Internet. Poor Sword though.

mea_iloveskiing 26

Thursday 11 August 2011 17:00

Now you'll get pregnant and the lightsaber will tell your kid: I'm your father :D

spacemonkey420 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 17:10

no Rhys not true!!!

holly_fly 34

Saturday 30 April 2016 3:43

I hope she names the kid luke...

spacemonkey420 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 17:07

I wonder what you would think If some kid picked it up and put it in their mouth

Keywords

Weird Underwear Clothes Miscellaneous Cute Halloween Dogs Animals Fire Awkward First Dates Smells Love Work Scary Phobias Shopping Kids Embarrassing Mental health Therapy Friends Health Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Customers Thief Argument

The Top

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he replied was, "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 439

You deserved it 6 878

Today, I'm tired of people pretending that autism is a great thing to have. I don't feel "great" when I'm hardly able to communicate with other people, crushing my independence, and making me unable to seek help. I just want to be normal, to be able to live on my own. I don't want to be a burden anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 110

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 257

You deserved it 43 678

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 334

You deserved it 1 330

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 5 209

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 323

You deserved it 801

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 705

You deserved it 3 653