Today, my 20-year-old sister put ketchup on my back instead of...

By Anonymous - 21/8/2018 02:30 - Greece - Athens

Today, my 20-year-old sister put ketchup on my back instead of sunscreen at the beach. FML

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Understandable

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

British Broadcasting Corporation

By wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe - 7/8/2013 20:55 - Sweden

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

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By shelteredchild - 20/3/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 03:04

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

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By shadowsonicstar - 14/1/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I had to do 40 squats with a medicine ball. I always made fun of medicine balls my whole life because they looked so easy that even senior citizens did them. I passed out in the middle of the gym. FML

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By Carnage23 - 22/11/2014 10:16 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2009 11:33 - Romania

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

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By rewarded - 20/10/2010 14:33 - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

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By Shocked - 28/1/2018 19:00

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

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By biggs sprhro - 10/10/2015 04:25 - United States - Bryan

Today, my friends were right about me being whipped. My girlfriend now has me setting an alarm for 3 hrs after she's fallen asleep, all so I can uncover her feet so she doesn't get too warm. FML

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By BadassRumbleroar - 20/1/2012 03:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

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By leigh2812 - 5/1/2010 22:03 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

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By really - 13/12/2016 08:24 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

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By anonymous - 13/4/2020 02:00

Keep fit!

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

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By traumatizedforlife - 5/8/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

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By - 8/2/2020 18:00

Crazy party

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 14:30 - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

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By Elevated fear - 24/12/2017 19:00

Today, I finally sought help for my crippling fear of elevators. When I arrived at my new therapist's office, I found the door to the stairs locked. To get to my appointment on the third floor of the building, I have to take the elevator. FML

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By ftt - 6/12/2016 15:22

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 20:33 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

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By pregnantapparently - 10/12/2015 18:45 - United States - Durham

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

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By penny-dropping - 16/4/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

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By Fired - 8/4/2011 11:58

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

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By nosebleeder - 13/2/2013 20:31 - Sweden

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

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By zitroskies - 7/10/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

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By gunnar - 20/9/2018 17:30

Today, my family and I went to Olive Garden. Due to my autism, I sometimes have a nervous tic, which presented itself while I was looking at the menu. I would have appreciated it if my mom hadn't then screamed at me to stop in front of the entire restaurant. FML

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By traumatised - 11/10/2009 16:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

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By sarabalism - 17/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

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By bugger - 22/2/2015 17:31

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

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By lonelyniceguy - 24/3/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

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By Lua - 28/6/2016 17:09 - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

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By cardsftw - 16/8/2012 19:50 - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

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By Ciara - 11/6/2012 20:44 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

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By mom - 26/4/2018 15:00

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2014 19:23 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, the girl I've been dating dumped me after she found out I'm originally from Alabama. Apparently she doesn't want to date someone from a "foreign country". We both live in Michigan. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

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By ohhdear.___. - 26/3/2012 14:54 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

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By riddick0846 - 12/12/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

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Top comments

By pjsr | 32

#7679996 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 2:19

Wtf?! Everyone knows you put mustard on at the beach. Kids these days! FYL

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7679999 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 2:24

She obviously still needs to ketchup to her age in maturity...

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7679992 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 1:33

Oh come on now! She should have known better and mistook the mustard or mayonnaise for sunscreen instead.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7679993 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 1:33

If she was planning on eating you, then it wasn't a mistake.

By pjsr | 32

#7679996 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 2:19

Wtf?! Everyone knows you put mustard on at the beach. Kids these days! FYL

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7679999 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 2:24

She obviously still needs to ketchup to her age in maturity...

By RichardPencil | 28

#7680004 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 2:44

Was she trying to make Sibling Kokkinisto?

By Charlie Given | 22

#7680011 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 3:21

Did you get a nice golden tan😂

By RichardPencil | 28

#7680014 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 3:24

Good thing she didn’t put it on your weiner, you unfaithful piece of shit! Slap-slap-crotch kick.

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7681161 - Thursday 23 August 2018 8:46

Sisters very rarely put anything on their brother's weiner.

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7680032 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 5:07

The seagulls ought be pretty thankful.

By Abbusser | 9

#7680037 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 6:00

That's your queue to play dead while she screams "SHARK ATTACK!!!"

By corky1992 | 33

#7680070 - Tuesday 21 August 2018 8:49

You didn’t smell the difference?