Today, I was mowing my lawn and it had a dry looking dog turd....

By Furzball - 27/5/2016 06:19 - United States - Wildomar

Today, I was mowing my lawn and it had a dry looking dog turd. I figured I'd be able to mow it easily into the grass bag as dust. Instead, it still had enough moisture to splatter into clumps. Including a couple that went up my left nostril. FML

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Furzball tells us more :

Hey OP here. So yeah, I do agree it was a lazy stupid decision to go over that turd. Lesson definitely learned. As to YLS and YDI I think it's funny the two are running almost even. Although I mostly figured I'd share with you all for the grossout laugh.

Animals

Mixed signals

Ant life

The Summoner

By me - 20/4/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

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By maarkblack - 22/5/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

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By k.k. - 5/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Seymour

Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML

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By jessye1182 - 11/5/2012 23:16 - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

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By RoseTylerTheDoctor - 11/6/2017 06:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML

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By AmySweet - 18/8/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2012 18:20 - United States - Burlington

Today, I'm apparently so desperate for companionship that my body has subconsciously synced my period with the girl who works in the cubicle adjacent to mine. FML

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By full bladder - 28/4/2015 22:39 - United States - Valrico

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

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By anonymous - 3/9/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

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By Username - 17/7/2011 19:59 - United States

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

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By SkyDiver - 20/5/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

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By helpfulmom - 26/7/2009 18:39 - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

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By Brodam - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

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By Mel - 23/5/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

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By mustanggt - 10/7/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Franklin

Today, I finally got the balls to ask the girl of my dreams out, but all I could talk about was my two cats. FML

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By gross - 11/6/2016 07:56 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML

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By Jobless in Seattle - 5/5/2015 02:08 - United States - Katy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 20:36

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

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By justine - 11/8/2019 02:00

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 21:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got feedback on an essay I wrote, by my mum who is also a teacher. She said it was 'worse than most of her pupils'. She teaches 10-year-olds. I'm a 20-year-old student at university. FML

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By Cindy1897 - 27/8/2017 20:00

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML

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By Atletic - 30/11/2012 07:30 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

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By InnocenceBlue - 20/7/2019 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, after I've been nauseous for a week straight, barely eating or sleeping, I was going to see my doctor. She then called in sick and I can't get an appointment for another week. FML

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By Sash - 6/4/2012 21:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

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By Me - 11/4/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

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By anonymous - 25/6/2016 20:03 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

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By snazz23 - 2/5/2016 21:12 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

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By Wendie - 18/4/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

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By unbelievable208 - 5/8/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

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By Rawr - 30/12/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

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By Jacklyn - 18/3/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

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By CancerFdMyLife - 26/9/2013 13:50 - United States - Washington

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

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By cjk004 - 15/2/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - 19/6/2013 16:18 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

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By ohdeardarling - 14/6/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

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By makeuuuuup - 21/2/2010 01:52 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

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By love_today - 30/5/2010 02:36 - Canada

Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

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Top comments

By Kakapo4Ever | 11

#6616213 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:13

I mean, when you make the conscious decision to mow a dog shit, you kinda deserve it.

By TonierShadow | 19

#6616223 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:41

This is one of those moments you're glad you can vote both FYL and YDI at the same time.

COMMENTS

By StarOfDoom | 26

#6616204 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:01

Sound like a real... shitty situation (cue the boos for the unorgional joke hahaha)

By cameron6731 | 13

#6616205 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:03

No one should drink to the point where they are shitfaced.

By RememberSchlitz | 9

#6616207 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:07

If you know how smell works, this incident is less disturbing than if you don't.

By gracehi | 31

#6616208 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:08

Never underestimate the power of the poop.

By Fenbrae | 17

#6616209 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:09

That must be the most original "Hole in One" ever.

By Kakapo4Ever | 11

#6616213 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:13

I mean, when you make the conscious decision to mow a dog shit, you kinda deserve it.

XandWacky | 22

#6616295 - Friday 27 May 2016 19:21

If it's dry, then there's no problem

jkjorn | 14

#6616328 - Friday 27 May 2016 20:06

Not necessarily. I once got hit by a fossilized dog turd thrown by a lawnmower, it left a nice turd-sized bruise on my thigh. Hurt like hell and was pretty embarrassing to explain.

By MidnaLink | 32

#6616215 - Friday 27 May 2016 17:23

Buy something that can flood your nose and get that nastiness out now.

Furzball | 5

#6616260 - Friday 27 May 2016 18:20

Didn't have to go out and buy anything luckily. Yeah I was grossed out about the poo up nose and used my bulb that is usually used to squirt/clean out my ears. Tossed it and getting a new one tonight.