Intimacy: Today, I was cleaning out my little sister's bedroom as she moved... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/09/2018 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was cleaning out my little sister's bedroom as she moved out and left a huge mess. I found her wearable vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 297

BO Central

Taking stock

Top brass

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 09:14 - Australia

Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 827

You deserved it 2 841

Slam the brakes

By wrecked - 23/01/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 705

You deserved it 6 590

By Username - 04/09/2010 13:24 - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 103

You deserved it 3 276

We were on a break!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like some space would help the situation. I found out today that, at some point during those two weeks, she decided to go and have sex with my (now ex) best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 231

By Xerfox - 20/06/2016 20:34 - Germany - Neckarsulm

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America 5 months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for 5 months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 281

You deserved it 1 878

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 07:21 - Australia

Today, I was on MSN when the conversation died. So I lied and told them I had to go get ready for a party, and that everyone was expecting me there. I spent the rest of the night playing The Sims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 133

You deserved it 33 559

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 09:59 - United States

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 167

You deserved it 2 977

By Kathleen Michelle Cooper - 28/08/2018 20:30

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my second child. This wouldn't be so bad if my son wasn't only 10 months old and my partner, the father of my children, hadn't been secretly seeing his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 151

You deserved it 607

By heart of cold - 11/01/2016 09:12 - United States

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 051

You deserved it 2 028

By exiledliscense - 09/11/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 043

You deserved it 5 864

By Anonymous - 11/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 716

You deserved it 2 698

By crétin-crédule - 26/02/2013 05:02 - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 086

You deserved it 51 189

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 22:14 - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 871

You deserved it 8 195

By HBC - 10/12/2011 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 5 106

By scottyboy - 01/10/2016 07:58

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 528

You deserved it 1 643

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 183

You deserved it 5 546

Twitchy

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 15:01 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Spicy

Today, I still can't talk to cute girls my age without getting tics. I'm over 30, a lesbian, and technically still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 167

By oh - 06/12/2013 21:20 - Denmark - Viborg

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 930

You deserved it 3 679

By Anonymous - 09/01/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 2 741

By dragonstooth257 - 03/02/2019 12:00

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. Ihe first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 572

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Spicy

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 911

You deserved it 11 960

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 07:09 - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 198

You deserved it 3 700

By Anonymous - 07/02/2010 14:19 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 109

You deserved it 2 535

By Brittany - 28/03/2012 02:38 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 269

You deserved it 56 415

So that makes it alright?

By Boundaries - 04/02/2021 11:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend that I found his “hidden” Tinder profile and his horny messages between him and other girls. His response? “Babe, that was a month ago.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 106

By stanky - 22/04/2009 04:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 698

You deserved it 5 798

By Hahapasdroleleptit - 10/05/2011 14:56 - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 951

You deserved it 5 905

Kick the bum out, part 2

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Today, my fiancé thinks that the only reason I innocently asked him how soon he wants to have kids after we get married is that he thinks I'm racing to beat a friend or family member. Now I can't even be excited about starting a family with this man without having ulterior motives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 200

By Username - 05/08/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 043

You deserved it 45 347

By smeeagain - 21/10/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 454

You deserved it 6 347

By tacolove69 - 16/02/2010 19:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 699

You deserved it 3 340

By sadgirl - 24/08/2019 09:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 163

Pay up, dude

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I found out I had gotten a parking ticket while I was travelling a few months back in California. I moved since, so I didn’t know I had it so it increased to 200$ and when I told the guy who was actually driving the car about it, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 114

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 133

You deserved it 2 455

By Paco4242 - 13/06/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 829

You deserved it 78 096

By brentkd - 20/07/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, I found my lost iPhone earbuds. In the cat litter box. I am 100% sure that they passed through my cat to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 4 737

By ThisGirl - 21/08/2012 02:30 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I lost two terabytes' worth of photos to a friend's incompetence. He said he could save me some money and fix my slow computer for free. He ended up wiping the hard drive, and along with it, my photography portfolio from the last five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 221

You deserved it 16 412

By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 2 616

By anti88 - 01/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 4 520

By MonieIndmiddle - 13/11/2017 05:00

Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 310

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Top comments

whiskey'swino 15

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 9:15

I'm sure it is a bigger loss to her than the bit of your brain you need to scrub.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 6:48

Did you mail it to her?

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 6:20

they have vibrators you can wear?

Sheepiebeepie 26

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Thursday 13 September 2018 17:43

It’s called a strap-on.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 6:21

Wearable vibrators?

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 6:48

Did you mail it to her?

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 14:20

Did you want it? You filthy brony.

Send a private message

Friday 14 September 2018 0:35

You seriously need to work on controlling your anger. That’s no way to act upon seeing a simple joke. You’ll find yourself in trouble once you become an adult if you continue to make unprovoked insults like that.

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 7:44

Does it fit?

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 8:20

Turn it into a wearable butt plug!

Anastasiia Bogolepova 10

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 8:39

Oh honey... Welcome to the world of sex.. It's called strap-on..

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 13:47

How do you know that? There are more wearable vibrators than just strap-ons.

Davros 12

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 8:49

Did it still work?

whiskey'swino 15

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 9:15

I'm sure it is a bigger loss to her than the bit of your brain you need to scrub.

Zeatha Mistron 7

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 10:01

Blackmail

nubs 22

Thursday 13 September 2018 10:03

Nice 👌😂 Did you try it out?

Send a private message

Thursday 13 September 2018 12:20

Rule #87 in life: Never “try out” your family’s sex toys.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 66

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 42